Here are 7 jobs Milo Yiannopoulos could get now that he’s broke

milo yiannopoulos
Milo Yiannopoulos resigns from Breitbart amid controversy surrounding his pedophile comments. Photo: Screenshot

Poor Milo Yiannopoulos. Literally.

Apparently, the one-time star of the alt-right has fallen on hard times. Dumped by Breitbart and abandoned by the right-wing Mercer family that underwrote his antics, Yiannopoulos has been casting about for a new patron.

And for a moment, he looks like he had found one: Matthew Mellon, an heir to a banking fortune who also made a bundle on cryptocurrency. Unfortunately for Yiannopoulos, Mellon was also an opioid addict for most of his adult life.

Mellon flew to Mexico in mid-April to enter rehab, but instead checked into a hotel, where he overdosed. 

“I spent a few days and nights in Miami and LA with the incredible human being Matthew Mellon, the last of them just a day before he passed,” Yiannopoulos wrote on Instagram. “He was brilliant, infectious and warm-hearted and I will never forget getting to know this remarkable person.”

The timing of Mellon’s death hit Yiannopoulos hard financially. Within days, the small staff of Milo Entertainment Inc. was laid off. Among the casualties: Chadwick Moore, who claimed he became a conservative after enduring backlash for his profile of Yiannopoulos in Out magazine.

Yiannopoulos was supposed to lay Moore off himself, but instead Moore reportedly found out from the CEO of Milo Entertainment that he had been laid off two days earlier–days he had been spending with Yiannopoulos.

But a boy has to work, and there are plenty of opportunities out there for a slightly shopworn white supremacist booster. Here are a few that we’d like to suggest.

  1. Keep pushing that milk thistle extract. Yiannopoulos made his debut as a supplement huckster last March on Alex Jones’ conspiracy program. He promised the pills will “cleanse your kidneys,” which has irresistible appeal to anyone over the age of 80.
  2. Become a L’Oreal spokesmodel. Blonde suits Milo. Plus, he can change the slogan to a more fitting “Because I’m worth it.”
  3. Open a Chick-fil-A franchise. Fast-food meets politics! How could Milo go wrong? And he’ll always have Sundays off.
  4. Start a wedding planning business. So what if he’s opposed to same-sex weddings? He obviously enjoyed his own on a beach in Hawaii. He can make more money to bite the hand that feeds him.
  5. Launch a Twinks for Trump porn site. Milo is too long in the tooth to participate, but he can still coach the on-screen talent on how to coo “Daddy.”
  6. Go on Dancing with the Stars. After all, that worked so well for Tucker Carlson and Rick Perry.
  7. Get a job in the White House. Stranger things have been known to happen. One word: Omarosa.
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