Politics

Donald Trump just told everyone he’s not into “golden showers” even though absolutely no one asked

Donald Trump, golden showers, Russian sex workers, hookers, prostitutes, urine, tape
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Former President Donald Trump recently reminded fellow Republicans that he isn’t into “golden showers,” the act of being peed on for sexual pleasure. No one asked him if he was, but he said it anyway.

Trump has repeatedly denied that he enjoys golden showers ever since the release of a 2016 dossier from Russian intelligence specialist Christopher Steele. The dossier said that Trump was secretly videotaped by Russia’s main state security agency while he watched two Russian sex workers pee on each other in the presidential suite at Moscow’s posh Ritz-Carlton Hotel in 2013.

Related: FBI Director James Comey says Donald Trump is obsessed with the pee tape

Buzzfeed News leaked details of the dossier in 2017, but few people have mentioned it since then. Trump, however, had it on his mind when speaking on Thursday to the National Republican Senatorial Committee in Palm Beach, Florida.

“I’m not into golden showers,” he told the crowd, The Washington Post reported. “You know the great thing, our great first lady — ‘That one,’ she said, ‘I don’t believe that one.’ ”

First off, no one ever accused Trump of enjoying golden showers because the sex workers allegedly peed on each other, not on him. Instead, they accused him of enjoying urolagnia, sexual arousal when watching or thinking of urination.

Secondly, it’s unclear why Trump is mentioning golden showers at all. But it’s the sort of self-own people have come to expect from a man who once suggested that Americans inject bleach into their veins and who recently told members of his own party not to vote in 2022, a piece of advice that will surely help Democrats during the mid-term elections.

For the record, it’s unclear if the Russian pee tape actually exists. None of the sources cited in the dossier had ever seen it or spoken with the sex workers allegedly involved. Trump himself allegedly said that he was too much of a germophobe to ever let people pee on each other around him, former FBI Director James Comey claimed.

But since Trump brought it up, now’s a good time to mention that shortly after the pee allegations first surfaced, the metal band Gwar released a comic book cover showing one of the band’s demonic members peeing on Trump, the pornographic magazine Penthouse offered $1 million for anyone who could locate the alleged videotape and a prankster began selling “Donald Trump Loves P***” mugs and t-shirts with half of the proceeds going towards Planned Parenthood.

The mugs and t-shirts are still for sale.

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