Out author Todd Parr wrote one of the most banned children’s books. He still believes in kindness.

It’s easy to spot a Todd Parr book. The out gay author’s signature artistic style has captivated children for almost 25 years. His whimsical characters and bold colors no doubt help kids more easily digest the messages of inclusion and kindness for which his books are beloved.

Parr is revered by parents for covering these big topics in ways little ones can understand. From how to say goodbye to how to accept people’s differences to what to do when you feel worried, Parr’s mission is to help children feel more comfortable in this messy and scary world, a world that, despite Parr’s popularity, still struggles to fully embrace his message.

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Parr’s books are so innocent and full of love it’s almost unfathomable that one could find issue with them.

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And yet.

One of his most popular books, The Family Book, is also his most controversial. The book teaches kids about all kinds of families – ones that live together, ones that live far apart, ones that are big, ones that are small, and the kicker: ones that have two moms and ones that have two dads.

A school district in Erie, Illinois made national news when it banned the book in 2012. The Family Book has since made the list of the American Library Association’s Top 100 Most Banned and Challenged Books of 2010-2019, coming in at number 67. It was also one of the most banned picture books of 2021-2022.

But Parr doesn’t pay attention to all that noise.

He spoke with LGBTQ Nation about his unending drive to help kids feel confident in who they are, emphasizing that he has never let people’s fear of differences get in the way of his mission.

LGBTQ NATION: What experiences from your own life have inspired your stories?

Todd Parr: When some of the kids found out I was in second grade for the second time, they made fun of me. I had trouble reading [due to dyslexia], and they made fun of me for that. I was so shy and so afraid. When I did start writing after I found my groove, It’s Okay To Be Different was really inspired by that situation. I wanted to show other kids that some of us are good at some things and not so good at others, you can try your best, you can learn to be more confident.

Then I think it was slowly embracing a lot of the things that I struggled with. My last year of high school, I was still very lost and trying to be like other people. Then something happened, and I realized it just was easier and more fun to be who I was. Things came so much easier after that point. So that inspired Be Who You Are.

I was always afraid to take chances because I never wanted to make a mistake, [but then] you don’t learn. I think The Family Book in particular… I came from a family that…. My mom had a prescription drug problem. There were endless things that happened. I just constantly wanted to be in someone else’s family because I just viewed them as being normal. So when I thought about writing a book, I wanted to point out that not all families are the same. Not all families – or none of them – are perfect. But most importantly, it was to make kids feel that no matter what family they have, their family matters and is important and there is love there.

I just think, to give kids the reassurance – that yeah, it’s just mom and me, or it’s both my moms and me, and we love each other, and we’re as important as someone else’s family – just helping kids through that in the ages when they struggle for their identities, struggle to be accepted, struggle to fit in, and then get harassed because they don’t fit into a certain thing, it’s all about empowering kids to be more confident and believe in themselves.

LGBTQ NATION: You mentioned your senior year of high school was when you realized you should be who you are. Is that when you came out?

TP: I sort of had just quietly come out.

I was really struggling with my identity and coming out wasn’t the first thing. It was changing my appearance. I felt more confidence in myself. I started dressing nicer and focusing on myself more. There was never a coming out moment, it just sort of evolved to where it didn’t matter.

Kids still made fun of me, you know, but it became less once I took ownership of myself. It really became less, or was it that I wasn’t listening any longer to those kids that called me a fa***t?

There were always still those few. But it really didn’t matter. I mean, I just was like, I finally figured out myself, and that’s all that mattered.

So while I had all of my other struggles, that really wasn’t one of them.

LGBTQ NATION: It reminds me of the way that you talk about LGBTQ+ families in your books. It’s just very matter-of-fact, not some big pronouncement.

TP: Yeah. I get asked a lot how I feel about The Family Book because it is on the banned book list and has been since it came out. I’m like, you know, that book finds the families that need it. There are no apologies here for being who I am to write a book about inclusiveness and to do a book about families to make kids feel better and more confident of their families.

How could you be me and say you’re not going to put in that some families have two moms, some families have two dads because it might offend somebody? Well, you can’t write a book about families in my world and say a certain type of family doesn’t exist, regardless of your opinion or your feelings. I did not grow up in a same-sex family, but you know, they’re there. They’re there. Even in your little town or your little school or your neighborhood. You want kids to embrace that and say, yeah, I have two moms or two dads but I love them both, and we are a special family.

I’m not surprised that the book was banned. I mean, look at the temperature of the world right now. Everything that’s going on, I mean, that book had issues the minute it came out. There were schools [where I’d come to read it] where parents had to sign a permission slip. And the ones that rejected it, they’d asked me to pause when I got to that page so they can remove the kids that did not get the permission slips.

As a kid that age, I think it causes more trauma to be called out in front of your classmates and taken out of the room. It’s like, embarrassing. [And if I had just been able to read the page], it wouldn’t even have registered. It’d just be matter-of-fact.

LGBTQ NATION: Having dealt with The Family Book being one of the most banned books for so long now, do you feel like something different is taking place today, or is the opposition just louder?

TP: I don’t want to get political, but I do believe that… the world just became this place where you are given the freedom to be hateful. I mean, I think it’s definitely been there, but I think it was almost like it became a trend or a movement. Sometimes people don’t even know what they’re mad about. I think social media has empowered that voice, too, because people will see something, they don’t have any of the facts, they take it for what it’s worth, they immediately label it, and they don’t even know what they’re talking about. They’ve never even seen the book, they don’t even know what it’s about.

LGBTQ NATION: You’re still creating work. Has this kind of hostile climate affected your writing?

TP: It doesn’t influence me in any way because I don’t engage in it.

There is nothing to defend. I wrote a book about different families to help kids feel good about who they are. The end. As I continue to write about things, I’ll try something new. My new book is The Monster Mac and Cheese Party. It’s just about monsters going to a party and bringing their favorite macaroni and cheese and no humans because they make boring macaroni and cheese from a box. It was just playful and fun. I think it gives my readers a break because I write about things that are very hard to understand for four to eight-year-olds or younger, like taking care of the Earth, The Peace Book, The Goodbye Book. These are big topics that are hard to explain.

Sometimes everybody just needs a break. Like, what is the message of this book? It’s just about playfulness, having fun, feeling good. That’s it. But then I have another book that dives into more social-emotional issues and learning and feelings, which a lot of my books are about.

My publisher had asked me to write a book more targeted toward Pride, and I’m like, I don’t really feel that I – I’m not saying I wouldn’t – but I don’t know what that book would be because my overall message is just about inclusion. It’s not what I do in my work. I don’t write about sexuality. It’s not relevant. I don’t talk about it. I don’t write about it. Not gonna hide from who I am, but it doesn’t come up. I’m there to do what I do to empower kids to feel good, accept who they are, be confident, and have fun. So I don’t know.

Maybe I’m not out to write a book that’s going to change that behavior, because it’s not possible.

LGBTQ NATION: You mentioned how taking kids out of the room draws more attention to things. It does seem like it would make all the kids, even the ones in the room, realize, oh, this must be a bigger deal than I thought. Young kids today are hearing endless conversations about whether or not LGBTQ+ books are appropriate, which communicates – whether your family is accepting or not – that this is a Big Deal. What would you say to kids who are hearing all of these people discuss whether something as simple as mentioning a family of two dads is controversial?

TP: To simplify it, I would just say that’s why I wrote The Kindness Book, to say we’re all instinctively kind. Everyone’s kind, but sometimes we need reminders – even grownups.

It’s not about opinion or right and wrong. It’s just being respectful and kind, and that’s not hard. In these situations, you hear a lot of things. Not all of them are true, and not all of them make sense. But if you have a question, ask. And always remember to be kind. I think it’s just so easy, you know?