Families with queer parents aren’t new, but they’ve become more and more visible over the past few decades. While forming a family through adoption or surrogacy isn’t easy, no matter the would-be parents’ sexual orientation, LGBTQ+ people have battled social stigma and religious prejudice.
Children used to be removed from homes if a parent came out as gay or lesbian. The religious right and Republican politicians demonized loving parents with disgusting slurs and insinuations. But as the times have changed, LGBTQ+ parents have been vindicated – and now they’re helping others build their own families without prejudice.
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What happened to the first generation of children from out gay & lesbian homes?
Between 1979–1983 Joe Gantz interviewed kids who were raised by same-sex couples. 40 years later, he interviewed them again.
When Doug and Brent Munster met, they bonded over their desire to become parents. The couple adopted two boys, Sawyer and Shepherd, and have since helped hundreds of others become parents as well.
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“We even talked about having kids on our first date,” Doug told LGBTQ Nation. “Both of my parents and Brent’s brother were adopted, so when it came time to build our family, we knew adoption was the option for us. Adoption is such a big part of our family history, and we knew that was what we wanted to do.”
“We decided to pursue domestic adoptions because we wanted to help children close by, but we were always open-minded, and we knew our family would be what it was meant to be – a family of four boys. That’s what we were able to achieve through adoption.”
Doug and Brent realized that their difficulties were shared with other would-be parents. It wasn’t love that was lacking. It was the financial costs associated with the process.
“Going through our first adoption journey, we met so many couples that had limited financial resources, and we realized how lucky we were to be able to adopt. We decided to find a way to give back to other families,” Doug said. “We decided to join Gift of Adoption and help start the Georgia chapter. Almost seven years later, we have raised over $600,000 and helped over 200 families in Georgia complete adoptions with the help of a Gift of Adoption grant.”
The respected charity awards grants to complete the adoptions of children in vulnerable circumstances – giving them permanent families and the chance to thrive. Priority is placed on children for whom this may be their one opportunity to be adopted, such as those at risk of separation from siblings, entering foster care, aging out of a care system, or with medical needs.
“Gift of Adoption is exactly what is needed in the adoption community,” Doug said. “We just celebrated helping unite our 5,000th child with their forever family since our founding. That is so many forever families brought together. I knew from day one I was about to embark on a journey with an organization that would change the world of adoption assistance and help so many children live better lives.”
But what do the dads tell other prospective gay couples who are going through the process – especially in a time of uncertainty and nonstop legislative attacks on the queer community?
No matter the couple’s sexual orientation, he said, “I have always told them to take it one step at a time. I never say ‘if you will be parents.’ I say, ‘when you are parents.’ For many, the adoption process is long and complex, so I encourage those pursuing adoption to keep that desire to start your family and know it will happen. Never give up.”
“As a mentor to gay couples looking to adopt, my number one goal is to assure them their journey will end in a forever family, and I will do whatever I can to make that happen for them.”
“Brent and I are extremely passionate about gay families and our community. We will fight until the end for our rights and our family. That is the one thing that is great about having a social media platform. You can use it to educate people. It may not always work, but we will never give up on defending our family and all families.”
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