She loved being a surrogate so much she did it again. And again. Then she founded an agency.

When Sunshine Hanson first considered becoming a surrogate, she had no idea it would transform her entire life. She found the experience so joyful and moving that she decided to do it again… and then another time after that. And her three-time surrogacy journey didn’t end there. Instead, she launched Surrogacy Is, which touts itself as “not a typical surrogacy agency” and is dedicated to support and advocacy for gestational carriers.

While she loved being a surrogate, Hanson also felt lost throughout the process, mostly relying on Google to get her questions answered. She founded Surrogacy Is so other surrogates didn’t have to feel that way.

Related:

LGBTQ+ celebrities who got married or had kids this year

What a spectacular year it has been for queer love. 

Hanson estimates that about 40% of prospective parents currently working with Surrogacy Is are gay. Surrogacy, after all, is one of the only ways gay male couples can have children with whom they are genetically related (if that is something they want). Nevertheless, many activists believe paying someone else to carry your baby is inherently exploitative, no matter how much consent is given throughout the process.

Never Miss a Beat

Subscribe to our newsletter to stay ahead of the latest LGBTQ+ political news and insights.

Daily

Weekly

Good News

But Hanson wholeheartedly believes that when done right, surrogacy is nothing short of magic. To her, there is no better gift in the world she could give someone. She also emphasized that the United States has extremely strict requirements for who can become a surrogate, including the fact that one must be financially stable. As such, women can’t turn to surrogacy in an act of financial desperation.

Her passion for carrying twins for an Australian gay couple even lost her some friends in her conservative Christian community. But she wouldn’t yield.

Hanson spoke with LGBTQ Nation about what motivates surrogates, how to spot a good agency, and why saying goodbye to the babies is easier than you might think.

LGBTQ NATION: What inspired you to launch Surrogacy Is?

SUNSHINE HANSON: When I decided to start Surrogacy Is, my vision was to help women learn about surrogacy and learn about their options and help them make informed choices when they’re choosing a surrogacy agency. Because when I did my first journey, and even my second and third, I didn’t feel like I had great support. I did all my research on Google, and there’s so much that you can’t know without being behind the scenes.

When we started, we were referring out to agencies that we vetted. We did that for about three years really successfully. Over the years, we found a handful of agencies that are really great, but the majority are not. And they just don’t meet our expectations. So we transitioned this year into running our own agency because we have really high idealistic expectations, and we know we can meet them.

Why do you think most surrogacy agencies are not supporting surrogates the way they should be?

I think a lot of times they start out with really good intentions. But it’s a lot of work – especially if you are having a hard time recruiting surrogates. No agency has a hard time recruiting intended parents because there are so many who struggle with infertility or who are gay and don’t have a uterus. So when they have a list of 160 intended parents waiting to match with 20 surrogates, and they’ve set up their business model to collect part of their agency fees upfront for these intended parents, the parents get frustrated and want their money back. So they’re going to try to match the surrogates that come in with those parents who are angry, rather than matching them with the parents that are the best fit for them.

What makes a surrogate and a set of parents a good fit?

There are really important things to consider when you’re matching. One is the type of relationship you want. If you’re a surrogate that wants to do this because you want to feel the close relationship, you want the parents to be really involved, you want them to come to appointments, and you want them to maybe stay in touch after delivery, that wouldn’t be a good fit to match you with a parent who doesn’t want any level of involvement [from the surrogate].

But some agencies will push those two together even though it’s really obvious that it is not a good fit. There are also some surrogates that don’t want to vaccinate for COVID, and most fertility clinics require the COVID vaccine. Most intended parents want to follow the doctor’s orders and want to match with a surrogate who’s vaccinated. But if you don’t have a lot of surrogates, you might try to pressure a parent to match with a surrogate that’s not vaccinated. Because most agencies collect their fees in portions, so they’ll have a signing fee upfront and then they collect another portion on match. That’s how they get paid.

I imagine it’s relatively easy to take advantage of parents who are so desperate to have a baby.

Yeah. You can pressure the parents because they’ve been waiting. They’re desperate, and they’re going to compromise. Or you can pressure a surrogate because you don’t tell her all the information. I think surrogates get taken advantage of more often than intended parents do. Because most of the time, surrogates are fighting to do this, and they’re really excited, and they want to get started, and they’re trusting an agency to tell them what to do and how everything works.

I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but what have you found motivates people to become surrogates? Is it more than just the money?

It has to be, I think. Most of the women that we talk to want to do surrogacy because they want to help. Oftentimes, they’ve known someone in their lives who struggled with infertility, or they had easy pregnancies and they don’t want any more kids, but they loved being pregnant – those people really exist. So they’re like, I could do this. It’s so easy for me; other people can’t do it, but I can do it. It’s a win-win.

When I signed up to be a surrogate the first time, I was really looking for creative ways to come up with a plan to get a down payment to buy a home. I knew somebody who was a surrogate, and I was like, oh, she did that, and then she bought a house, I want to know more about that. I live in Southern California, I was a teacher, and I didn’t make any money. I had to get creative. But I always tell people, it was true for me as well that I wanted to help someone. This is something that I can do that’s good, and I can get compensated. That’s really cool. If you don’t care about helping people, there’s no amount of money that’s worth it.

What made you want to do it three times?

I really thought I would just do it one time and I would get it out of my system. But it was such a cool experience, and I had such a beautiful bond with my intended parents. I feel like my whole family really grew as a result of that journey. I came from a really conservative Christian upbringing. My parents and my family and my immediate social circle were all very conservative, and I never knew any gay people… Or no gay people ever felt safe enough to tell me that they were gay). I guess that’s probably more true.

Prior to me choosing who I wanted to match with, my 13-year-old had come out as lesbian. And later he came out as trans. So I really wanted to get to know people that were like my son. I wanted to broaden my perspective because I recognized then that it was really narrow. So I chose to help a gay couple for that first journey, and we loved them so much. I carried twins for them. It was such a cool experience. The day the twins were born was like the greatest day of my life. I wasn’t expecting that rush of pride and accomplishment and love. There’s so much love that came from it. I was like, oh I’m definitely going to do this again.

Do you stay in touch with that family?

They live in Australia, so we’ve only seen each other once since the twins were born. We met up and went to Hawaii when they were two to spend ten days with them. Then the pandemic happened. But I [still] plan to go out there. We stay in touch, and we talk on all the holidays. And we’re friends on Facebook.

Do you find that a lot of families stay in touch with their surrogates?

A lot of families do, yes. There are definitely those who don’t. There are a lot of people that come to surrogacy, especially infertile women or some international families (there are some countries where services are illegal), and they have to keep it a secret that they used a surrogate. But a lot of families do stay in touch. You build a bond whether you mean to or not.

Have you worked with surrogates who have struggled to say goodbye to the babies after giving birth? Does Surrogacy Is help prepare surrogates for that?

A lot of people think that’s something that happens, but when you sign up to become a surrogate, there’s a rigorous screening process. If that’s something that you might struggle with, you probably shouldn’t be a surrogate.

First of all, you should be done building your own family. This is recommended because anything can happen in a pregnancy. You never know, you could develop complications that could cause you to lose your uterus or lose your ability to conceive in the future. Also the embryos are not yours. It’s not your baby. You don’t get that attachment. When you’re pregnant, you’re not decorating the nursery and picking names and planning for the future, you’re just like, Okay, I’m doing this really important job, it’s a big responsibility. I want to take care of this baby. And then I want to pass the baton as soon as possible. Because I want this baby to be with their parents, and I want my life to go back to normal.

But I have seen surrogates struggle after delivery. Because there is obviously a postpartum hormone dump that happens to all of us, and we get really emotional in the couple weeks following delivery.

I had a hard time when my intended parents left because they were here for a month after the twins were born. Then they went back to Australia, and I got attached to them and attached to our relationship. It was sad to say goodbye to them. I see that a lot for surrogates when they say goodbye to their intended parents. Because it’s such a big part of your life for so long. Your life is kind of on hold, and it’s kind of devoted to this pregnancy and to this other family. When it’s over, it kind of leaves a vacuum. Surrogates I talked to they’re like, I feel empty, I feel lost, I feel untethered for a little bit after birth. And they get frustrated because their families will say, See, I knew you were gonna get attached to baby, I knew you were going to be depressed, or I knew you were gonna have postpartum. It’s not that, it’s not about the baby. It’s about a really huge, massive journey coming to an end and then having to fill that vacuum. It levels out, but it’s not about the baby.

How can surrogates and prospective parents spot a good surrogacy agency versus a bad one?

It’s really important that it’s clear who the owners are. There are a lot of agencies being bought up by private equity firms now, and they’re not transparent about that. I think that’s a problem. Because if you have investors, you have a board, and you have profits, and you have things that you’re trying to meet. And those aren’t going to be your priority over doing the right thing necessarily, but it’s a conflict.

And that they don’t have in-house escrow; they use a third-party escrow company to manage the funds. They should require the trust account and the escrow account to be fully funded prior to the surrogate starting medications. [Otherwise] that puts the surrogate in a risky situation. Because maybe the parents don’t actually have the funds, and then you get pregnant and then what are you supposed to do? They don’t fund that account, and you’re not gonna get your medical bills paid or anything.

Also, find out how many case managers they have per case. Some agencies will have one coordinator managing 30,40,50, 60, 100 cases. So if you have one person managing all of that, things are going to slip through the cracks, and you’re not going to get your questions answered right away. You’re not going to get be able to reach somebody every time you need something. So it’s important that they have a manageable caseload.

Also, do they have professional liability and insurance? Can they give you proof of that policy?

And just talking to them. I think if you talk to them, you can kind of get a feel for what their mission is and their vetting.

Another thing: Surrogates have all these things they have to do. You have to do your psychological screening, your background check, all these things. Some agencies will require all these things for the surrogate, but they won’t do any background on the parents. A good agency is going to run criminal background on the intended parents, as well as require them to have a session with a mental health professional. It’s not the same as a psychological screening, but it is important to have that consultation with a professional who can talk them through this very delicate process. It’s important to talk through because that’s what you do in your surrogate psychological screening: You talk through how you would feel if something was wrong with the baby and the intended parents wanted to terminate. How would you process that? Those are important questions, too, for intended parents to talk through in advance, especially if it’s a mom who’s had a lot of trauma surrounding her infertility. So she’s had a lot of miscarriages and a lot of loss, she’s going to have a lot of anxiety and fear. And it’s important that she’s processed that trauma with someone rather than getting into this journey and then trauma dumping on the surrogate.

What is your response to people who are wary of surrogacy because they think the ethics are murky or it’s exploitative?

Family building is such a personal choice. I don’t know why people feel comfortable saying, There are so many kids in foster care, so why don’t they just adopt a baby? But nobody says that to parents who have five or six kids of their own. That same logic applies. People want to have their own biological children if they have the means to do that. And you have people who are giving informed consent, and somebody wants to help them. And she’s being fairly compensated, and her rights are being protected. This is a consensual, adult personal decision. People don’t have to like it, necessarily.

And it can be exploitative. It shouldn’t be, but like anything it can be. So I agree surrogates need to be educated and protected. I see surrogates and intended parents matching on Facebook, and they’re just gonna go it alone. There are so many things that an agency would do to protect both parties. If you’re doing it independently, the chances of being exploited or having something go sideways are really high. So I think it’s important to trust professionals, but you also just have to make sure you’re trusting the right professionals. So take your time, slow down, do your research, don’t act out of desperation. And if you have that little small voice telling you that something feels off, you have to listen to that. Don’t rush it.