In a recent podcast appearance, gay non-binary music artist Kehlani spoke about how a Google Doc helped them realize they are a lesbian.
On Logan Paul’s Impaulsive podcast, Kehlani said they felt “broken” because they weren’t enjoying dating men and couldn’t understand why they didn’t want sex.
That was when their therapist asked how they felt about women.
“If a girl looks at me, I’m gonna melt into a puddle,” Kehlani said they responded, saying their therapist then posited that maybe they are just gay.
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After that session, Kehlani said, “what really did it” was when they received a Google doc called “Am I a lesbian?” that helped them understand the concept of “compulsory heterosexuality.”
“It’s all about how society has influenced so much heteronormativity and heterosexuality on us that a lot of us, especially women and femme-presenting people, struggle with even knowing if that’s our actual sexual orientation or if it’s what we’ve been taught and trained to be,” Kehlani explained. “And I read the f**k out of this Google Doc and was like, when I had to list and analyze why I was still dating men, none of it had to do with being in love. None of it had to do with these feelings that I’m supposed to feel, like love and care and deep emotion.”
Many have guessed Kehlani was referring to the famed Lesbian MasterDoc, a 30-page document called “Am I a Lesbian?” created by a Tumblr user named Anjeli Luz, who at the time was a teenager exploring her sexuality.
Kehlani continued, “Even though I grew up with my family super open and queer and all the relationships being really different, I still had that ‘this makes sense’ thing kinda going, and as soon as I said, ‘I’m not doing that anymore,’ I came out, my relationships and my ability to feel deeply for anybody I’m romantically with it was like, oh I’ve been missing this my whole life.”
They said they had had girlfriends in the past since they’d identified as bisexual for a long time, but embracing the fact that they are lesbian was still life-changing.
“Once I completely was like, ‘yes, let me accept myself,’ it was like these floodgates opened,” they added. “I feel like I experience emotions deeper across the board now.”
