Last week, Lizzo set the internet on fire after she played a 200-year-old crystal flute that once belonged to President James Madison at her Washington, D.C. concert.
Fans were delighted by the historic musical moment, while conservative trolls lost their racist minds at the sight of a Black pop star playing the historical instrument.
NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD THIS FAMOUS CRYSTAL FLUTE BEFORE
NOW YOU HAVE
IM THE FIRST & ONLY PERSON TO EVER PLAY THIS PRESIDENTIAL 200-YEAR-OLD CRYSTAL FLUTE— THANK YOU @librarycongress ❤️ pic.twitter.com/VgXjpC49sO
— FOLLOW @YITTY (@lizzo) September 28, 2022
The absurdity of the faux controversy has since led many on Twitter to joke about what might happen if Lizzo were given access to various fictional instruments of power.
One user suggested the classically trained flutist should be given the Green Power Ranger’s Dragon Dagger—which fans of the 90s kids show will remember was also a flute—to summon the character’s Dragonzord. Others offered up Marvel superhero Namor’s Horn of Proteus, the Ocarina of Time from video game The Legend of Zelda, and the Warp Whistle from Super Mario Bros. 3.
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Give Lizzo the Green Ranger's Dagger Flute next. Let her summon the Dragonzord. pic.twitter.com/TG3tTdMdaq
— Seán Ó Cinnéide (@SOCthoughts) October 1, 2022
Lizzo has played the Sea Horn pic.twitter.com/9zrtgrqJUZ
— Krakoa Judges 👍 (@KrakoaWelcomes) October 1, 2022
let Lizzo play the ocarina of time
— evil slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) October 2, 2022
Heard Lizzo played the Warp Whistle from Super Mario 3 and transported her entire audience to World 7 – Pipe Land. Irresponsible.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) October 1, 2022
More than one user likened Lizzo playing the crystal flute to the “secret chord” mentioned in Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”
i've heard there was a crystal flute
that lizzo played and it pleased the youth
but you don't really care for music, do you?— John Macintosh (@jamacintosh) September 29, 2022
Let Lizzo play the secret chord that David played that pleased the lord
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) October 2, 2022
let lizzo play david’s harp. i bet she’ll play the secret chord that’ll please the lord.
— Piper Ramsey-Sumner (@cbfplr) October 2, 2022
But the fun didn’t stop at fictional musical instruments.
“BREAKING: Lizzo has pulled Excalibur from its stone and laid claim to all of Britain,” one user tweeted. The Grammy winning artist has been deemed worthy of wielding pretty much every mystical weapon from the One Ring from The Lord of the Rings to Thanos’s Infinity Gauntlet.
BREAKING: Lizzo has pulled Excalibur from its stone and laid claim to all of Britain.
— Andrew Coleman Francis (@AndrewCFrancis) October 1, 2022
BREAKING: Lizzo has acquired the infinity gauntlet pic.twitter.com/wXDngQ7cJ1
— JRR is Jokien 🗡️🏹🪓 (@joshcarlosjosh) October 1, 2022
BREAKING: Lizzo is wearing Sauron's One Ring to rule them all
— JRR is Jokien 🗡️🏹🪓 (@joshcarlosjosh) October 1, 2022
BREAKING: Lizzo has acquired Frostmourne pic.twitter.com/qQ6ILbDgsv
— chrissy 🏹 (@chrissyxchi) October 2, 2022
BREAKING: Lizzo has been granted the Matrix of Leadership. pic.twitter.com/XumjpjFY1k
— Brent O. Saur (@Brentosaur) October 3, 2022
Let Lizzo use the Golgothian Sylex. pic.twitter.com/7uiLf2Hd3v
— ChannelFireball (@ChannelFireball) October 3, 2022
And there are even some real-life instruments folks would like to give Lizzo a crack at.
Let Lizzo ring the Liberty Bell you cowards
— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) September 30, 2022
let lizzo play the 60,000 year old flute next pic.twitter.com/JhGswykzyo
— seahorse foster dad (@phycofrenzy) September 30, 2022
