Fellas, is it gay to have sex with men?
One therapist is saying “Not necessarily.”
Gay sex and relationships therapist Dr. Joe Kort is blowing up TikTok with videos about straight men who have sex with men, explaining that a man’s heterosexuality isn’t negated if he has sex with men.
“Did you know that straight men can have sex with men and not be gay?” Kort says in a video that went viral. “They can.”
“Straight men can be attracted to the sex act, but not to the man. Straight men having sex with men doesn’t cancel somebody’s heterosexuality any more than a straight woman having sex with a woman cancels her [heterosexuality],” he continues.
He specifies that he’s not erasing bisexuality, but that he sees bisexuality as completely separate from the phenomenon of straight men having sex with men. Bi men are attracted to both men and women, according to Kort, while straight men who have sex with men are only attracted to women and the act of having sex.
“When straight men have sex with men, it’s not a gay thing. It’s a guy thing,” he explains in a later video.
He says that men have “more transactional sex with one another” than women do.
“When a man has objectified sex where it’s just about the sex, where it’s just about getting off, people man-shame him,” he said.
In another video, he discusses “man-shaming,” about how men get shamed for not being entirely heterosexual or being sexually fluid.
“Nobody benefits from doing any man-shaming,” he says. “The women partners, the male partners, any gender.”
According to his website, Kort specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relationship Therapy.