New novel tells a queer love story so taboo that the author fled her country before its release

In These Letters End in Tears, author Musih Tedji Xaviere tells the heartbreaking story of forbidden love amid a grinding civil war in Cameroon. In the end, however, there is still love among the ruins.

“I’m a hopeless romantic,” she says. “I believe in a love so powerful that it defies everything.”

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In her debut novel, the writer tells the story of Bessem and Fatima, good girl and bad girl, one Christian and one Muslim, one painfully shy and one dangerously outspoken. And both star-crossed.

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In Cameroon, at the crossroads of West and Central Africa and once the province of French and British colonizers, their love is illegal and a scourge to be cast out by the ruling class: Church hierarchy, Muslim clerics, and even school officials in a government in collaboration with both.

LGBTQ Nation spoke with Xaviere from near London, where she’s in self-imposed exile ahead of the book’s publication — for her own safety and that of her family at home in Cameroon.

LGBTQ NATION: What was the inspiration for the story and how much of it is based on your own experience? It reads to me like something that’s very close to your heart.

MUSIH TEDJI XAVIERE: I would just like to say that the book is a fiction.

It was inspired by so many things. The first thing is the current situation in Cameroon, the mistreatment of LGBTQ+ people and how the government participates and condones it, and how religion fuels hate against LGBTQ+ people. That’s the first thing that inspired the book.

The second thing is the ongoing civil war in Cameroon. It’s been going on for six years now, between the francophone-led government and the anglophone separatist fighters. So many people have lost their lives. So many people have fled home and many require migrant assistance. That’s another thing that inspired this book.

The romance part is this lesbian couple I knew growing up. I’m not going to say who, where or when, for obvious reasons. The reason I knew about this couple is because someone had outed them at the time. And it was such a scandal because the majority of people in Cameroon believe that homosexuality is a sin and should be stopped at all costs. So after the rumor started about this couple, they went through everything you can possibly imagine: family interventions, police interventions, exorcisms. They went through it all. And what really caught my attention is that even after going through all these things, they found a way to stay together. I really admire that.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I want someone to love me like that. I believe in a love so powerful that it defies everything. I am one of those people. I believe that there’s someone out there made just for me. I haven’t found them yet, but I know that they are out there. I think that’s the reason why I created Fatima: a dream lover, the perfect lover. And that is why I have Bessem, the protagonist in the book, still searching for the love of her life years and years after she goes missing. I wanted to paint a picture of loss so powerful that it can survive time and hardships. 

You structure the story around a series of letters that Bessem writes to Fatima. In an age of texting, it’s very romantic.

As I said, I believe there’s someone out there made just for me. But I haven’t found them yet. I think in a way I was speaking to them — I don’t know, hurry up and come find me! That’s why I use that style. I wanted to make it as personal as possible.

Do you think the world needs more letter-writing and less texting?

(laughing) I grew up in a time when letter writing was very popular. I was in secondary school between 2000 to 2007, so I would say it’s a thing that was very popular in my generation. Less so now. And that’s to our detriment.

Your protagonist has a clear distaste for slumming American and European tourists. Who are these people and what are they doing in Cameroon?

I have nothing against tourism per se. I feel like if you have the means, you should visit as many places in the world as you want. But what I’ve noticed is that foreigners, they’re only interested in showing Africa in a negative light. Every time you hear something about Africa in the news, it’s always disease, poverty, war. Africa has all these things. But we also have the good side. My problem is that these people are only interested in showing that bad side.

Right from the start you establish class as a character in the book with your description of the university Bessem attends and how it’s divided physically between the “highborns”, the middle class, and the “plebeians”. Where did you fit in growing up?

I was in the middle.

Does that give you a particular perspective?

I think it does. I think if you’re in the middle, you get to understand the two on either side in a way that they don’t understand each other. Bessem has that.

Describe the divide in Cameroon between anglophones and francophones.

The conflict is between anglophones and the majority francophone government. This conflict goes back decades. I’m anglophone, and we have always felt that we were being discriminated against in Cameroon because we are the minority. We are like 20 percent. And the rest of the country is francophone. What sparked the civil war that is ongoing now is the fact that the government was trying to impose the French language in anglophone courts and schools. That’s when the people said, “No, we’ve had enough. You’re not going to erase us.”  

Cameroon is a majority-Christian nation with a sizeable Muslim minority, and one of the women in the story is Christian, while the other is Muslim. Is there any conflict between the two religions in Cameroon?

There is no conflict between Christians and Muslims in Cameroon. But in my book, I’m pointing a finger at religion in general. They are united against LGBTQ+ people.

How would you describe their sentiments about LGBTQ+ identity?

I think that most religions — I don’t want to say all because I don’t know everything about every religion in the world — I’d like to say that religion in general, they share similar views of homosexuality, that it is a sin that should be stopped.

You were raised Catholic.

Yes.

How did people in Cameroon react to the Pope’s recent decision about blessing same-sex unions?

A lot of people in Cameroon were not happy when he said that. They expected him to say something else, what has been said for generations. A lot of people said they have lost respect for him for supporting the LGBTQ+ community.

I write a lot about Uganda and Kenya. Are the laws they’re passing in those countries inevitably coming to Cameroon?

What is happening in Uganda currently is really, really sad. I mean, I used to think that the punishment for gay people in Cameroon was harsh. It’s five years in prison and a fine. Then what is happening in Uganda is really — I don’t have words for it.

In the U.S., there’s a clear difference in attitudes about LGBTQ+ identity between young people and older generations. Is there the same divide in Cameroon?

I don’t think there’s much difference. The views are the same. Old, young view homosexuality the same, as bad and it should be stopped. You hope that young people have more liberal views, but I don’t see it that way. Of course, we have supporters. We have people who believe that everybody’s equal and should be treated right. But they are very few. Maybe there are more and they are just afraid to speak up because they know what will happen if they say anything, that they just won’t say anything because they know it’s not safe for them.

We have activists in Cameroon who speak up about things like this, but they’re not a lot. And usually when they do, bad things tend to happen to them.

I wrote this book during the Covid pandemic lockdown. It was a dark time for me, and I used it as an outlet to just let go of all the frustration and uncertainty. Originally, I did not plan on sharing this — I wrote three chapters in the form of a short story, and this friend read it and she was like, “Wow, it’s a really good story.” She was obsessed with Fatima, and she encouraged me to send it out. And I got very afraid when people started showing interest in the book, because it meant that, okay, this thing was going to be published with my name there. Am I going to be safe?

Because historically speaking, anyone who supports the LGBTQ+ community in Cameroon, yeah, bad things tend to happen to you. So I was afraid of what will happen to me. That’s how I started looking for ways to leave Cameroon. I knew I had to go before it was published.

Do you miss home?

I do. I miss my family. I hope after the book comes out, it doesn’t put me into so much trouble that I’m not able to go back and visit.

Based on the title of the book, I don’t think I’m giving anything away when I say that I cried when I finished it.

Oh my God.

When you finished writing it, did you cry, as well?

Writing the book was very emotional. I cried a lot.