Queer midwesterners take centerstage in new doc about loving a home that struggles to love you back

In the popular imagination, LGBTQ+ people are often seen as chic urbanites living in coastal cities in blue states like California and New York. Of course, that’s only part of the picture. Queer and trans people live in cities and small towns across the country, in both blue and red states where they face varying degrees of acceptance and hostility.

That’s a reality filmmakers Melinda Maerker and David Clayton Miller set out to document in their new film We Live Here: The Midwest. The hour-long doc spotlights five families across the region, giving us a glimpse of the joys and challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people in Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Ohio, and Minnesota at what is a precarious time for LGBTQ+ rights — and particularly transgender rights — in the U.S.

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Ahead of their film’s December 6 premiere on Hulu, Maerker and Miller joined LGBTQ Nation to discuss “Midwest values,” the political climate we find ourselves in, and the courage of the LGBTQ+ people they profiled.

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LGBTQ NATION: What were you trying to convey with the title? Did you have a sense that people don’t really consider the fact that LGBTQ+ people live in communities all over the Midwest?

Melinda Maerker: I think that’s part of it, yes. People don’t necessarily think that through. They think they’re in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and for that reason [LGBTQ+ people in the Midwest] are not necessarily seen or affirmed. With exceptions of course, but you’re often not seen or you’re treated in a negative, discriminatory way. So, finding that middle ground where people do see you — Nia, one of the first stories [in the film], as she says very powerfully, “These are not issues, these are people.” We live here, we are people basically.

David Clayton Miller: And the Midwest is the heart of American values, family values. That was also very important for us to touch upon, because we wanted to show that these families are just like any other families that have family values as well.

LGBTQ NATION: How would you describe “Midwest values?”

MM: Well, the term “family values” has been co-opted by some very conservative movements. Again, it’s not about: The Midwest is bad, we need to leave. There are many good things here — just being a good person, wanting to help your neighbor — that are embraced by all communities. So, you don’t necessarily want to be kicked out of dodge. There’s a naivete that I had shared: If you’re discriminated against, why stay? And there are so many reasons to stay. Aside from economics and other issues, people often like where they live and they want to stay. They just want to be treated like everyone else.

LGBTQ NATION: Nia and Katie talk in the film about struggling with whether to leave Iowa. Was that something you found a lot of LGBTQ+ in these states think about?

DCM: I think for Nia and Katie, as they said, they think about it every day. I think there were other families that, they like where they live. That’s where they grew up. There are previous generations that grew up there. So, not all the families wanted to leave or think about leaving. They like where they’re rooted.

MM: But again, even if you make that choice [to leave], for whatever reason, where do you go? Because the political climate has become so incendiary that there’s growing fear everywhere.

DCM: Exactly. Look at the political climate that we’re in right now. Everybody thought that with the passage of gay marriage equality — everything was solved. And as one of the subjects in the film said, that did not solve everything. We’re in a perilous time right now where, think about it: the number 3 most powerful person in government right now holds antagonistic and dangerous views about gay people, let alone a legislative record that is about discrimination and hate. We have a Supreme Court justice that has said he thinks that gay marriage should be reversed. We’re in a very dangerous time here, and I think what’s unfortunately brilliant about the timing of the release of this documentary is to show people — particularly those on the fence or those that don’t know about what it is to be gay — is to highlight in a very straight forward presentation that these people are not to be feared.

These people have rights, they ought to be treated with decency just like every other family. That’s a very important message. It was not our intent to make a controversial documentary. But the timing of this right now is a little bit controversial. And I think it’s important for people to say, as the very conservative neighbors in Nebraska said, “They’re just like everybody else.”

LGBTQ NATION: A theme that kept jumping out to me was the idea that marriage equality was supposed to change things for LGBTQ+ people for the better. All of the couples you profile in the film are married, some were married in states where same-sex marriage was legal before the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, but all of them have faced discrimination since 2015. As you said, one of them even says explicitly that “gay marriage didn’t solve everything.” Where do you think this idea that marriage equality was supposed to solve everything came from?

MM: It was a deliberate thing we wanted to address when we started out making the film. 2016 came along, and with that election instead of continuing to move up in a positive direction, there was so much backlash. I think what also happens is when you make something real, when you codify it — it was sort of a don’t ask, don’t tell: as long as these couples can’t legally marry, it’s ok. But once it’s celebratory, once it’s out there and real, there’s often a responsive backlash. I think this is true in a lot of situations. It’s real, now I have to think about it in a way I didn’t have to before. And think about it in a way that’s not positive. And our goal was to say, “Ok, let’s bring you back around.”

DCM: Personally, for me, I’m a gay man who had to leave California in order to get married. Then the Supreme Court affirmed gay marriage. I was very excited. My friends were very happy. And you sort of went, like, “Oh wow. Things have really come forward.” Then 2016 came along and it’s like, “Uh-oh, there are people threatening that.” And that’s something Melinda and I talked about extensively and wanted to get into, and it’s the reason why we ended up making this documentary. We really wanted to see: Where are gay families now? Now that gay marriage is legal but there’s so much looming danger happening. It’s even greater now than when we filmed these subjects. We have an election coming up in a year. I think there’s potential for great danger ahead.

LGBTQ NATION: Faith plays a big role in many of your subjects’ lives. How did they talk about their faith and its relationship to their identities as LGBTQ+ people?

MM: Well, for example, Katie was very involved in her church. It’s like the Midwest in general: Just because you don’t want me there doesn’t mean I want to leave. So, I think with Katie in particular, she was attached to the community. She loved the people. And they basically were expelled from that church after Nia transitioned. There was a tremendous sense of loss. It really ripples through someone’s life. How do you replace that loss? In Nia’s case, it was through an extended community.

With Mario and Monty, they were told to have their marriage annulled by a church where they felt part of that community and Mario was the music director. It was his livelihood as well. So, having to make that choice — annul my marriage to someone I love in order to stay in a community with people that I also love — is a horrible choice.

DCM: Katie really said it beautifully, that the very thing that church and religion taught her — to love another person— was the one thing that [forced her] to leave the church. As documentarians, that was beautiful to see her being so raw and emotional, and it’s one of the important things we have to do, is make these subjects feel safe.

LGBTQ NATION: The political climate as it relates to LGBTQ+ issues is evolving so rapidly. That must make it hard as documentarians to capture the impact these anti-LGBTQ+ laws and rhetoric have on people’s lives.

MM: It does. What Dave and I wanted to do, though, is tell stories first and foremost about people. So, it wasn’t necessarily related to a specific piece of legislation, but just a growing climate of lack of acceptance. And I think when you engage people in story, they identify in a very different way than if you just talk to them about issues.

LGBTQ NATION: You mentioned in your directors’ statement that some of the people you approached to participate in the film were hesitant.

MM: They were afraid of retribution in their communities, at their jobs. But this is why we very specifically call them “courageous families.”

DCM: And not only courageous for telling their stories to us, but now there’s another part that I think a lot of people don’t understand, which is now they’re going to be exposed. Now the film has a big outlet, and they are incredibly excited about that, and they’re also a little nervous about that. Because we’ve gotten to know them so well, we’re also concerned. And this is where Hulu has been great because Hulu has wanted to make sure these families have media training — what it’s like talking to the press, what it’s like getting a DM in your Instagram from a hater, how you’re going to deal with that. It’s been very important for Hulu to make sure that they understand what all that entails.

LGBTQ NATION: Do you have any plans for a follow-up focusing on a different region of the U.S.? 

DCM: Oh, for sure. We’re researching right now. Melinda and I really enjoyed interviewing these families and getting to know them, and we feel there is an important story to tell here. We would love to focus on another region of the country and highlight those stories and what it is about the places in which they live.

MM: And particularly because the political climate has become more threatening to the queer community. The families whom we filmed in the Midwest are now more fearful, and families in other communities, in the South for example, are facing legislation that’s really scary.

DCM: It’s an important time to document all this.