A video about pineapple on pizza has become a metaphor for GOP logic on LGBTQ+ rights

Hawaiian pizza
Photo: Shutterstock

Comedian Jamie Campbell has BDE – Big Dad Energy.

He’s not a father himself, but he’s got the do’s and don’ts down pat – including what he would do if his hypothetical kid announced that he liked pineapple on pizza.

It’s a fraught topic in America (although the Hawaiian is the second most popular pizza in Mexico after pepperoni). Does pineapple belong on a pizza? Politicians around the world have weighed in: Icelandic president Guðni Th. Jóhannesson hates it and said he’d like to ban it. Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, supports it, probably because the pie was invented in Ontario.

“You can tell a lot about society by the way they treat things that they don’t like but that also don’t really affect them in any way,” Campbell says at the opening of his monologue about pineapples and whether or not they belong on pizza.

He points out that while some like it, others want to ban it entirely “to prevent anyone else to have pineapple on their pizza.”

Pine-a-phobes, he says, will tell you that they don’t mind if you like pineapple on your pizza, they just don’t “want to see it out in public.” Instead, they want you to “take it behind closed doors and not throw it in his face.”

Some of these folks are parents, he notes, and they especially oppose serving pineapple on pizzas in schools.

“They refer to it as the ‘pineapple agenda,'” he quips. “They’re worried that if their kid sees another kid having pineapple on their pizza, they’re going to realize it’s an option. They’re gonna wanna try a little pineapple on their own pizza.”

“Next thing you know, the kids are up in their room with the door locked downloading the Domino’s app.”

While the entire monologue will keep you in stitches, just wait for the ending. It’ll leave you howling with appreciation as loudly as the audience.

The video has been shared online now by multiple accounts, racking up tens of thousands of views on multiple platforms and is currently being hailed as “the most intelligent explanation of taking away the rights and freedoms” of queer people.

Because if you don’t like pineapple on your pizza, you don’t need to change the menu availability for others.

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