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Chelsea Handler rips Tucker Carlson to shreds for mocking her child-free life

Jesse Kelly and Tucker Carlson discussed Chelsea Handler
Jesse Kelly and Tucker Carlson discussed Chelsea Handler Photo: Screenshot

Comedian Chelsea Handler eviscerated a slew of angry conservative white men after they came at her for living happily child-free.

Vitriol from the likes of Fox News pundits Tucker Carlson and Jesse Kelly came about in response to a parody video posted by The Daily Show featuring Handler describing a day in the life of a childless woman.

Handler’s day in the obviously tongue-in-cheek video included flying to Paris for a croissant, climbing Mt. Everest, inventing a time machine, and teleporting from Europe to New York City because the “weightlessness of [her] existence has granted [her] superhuman powers.”

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For some reason, this video made Carlson and Kelly very angry.

Carlson called Handler a “deeply unlikeable woman” and asked Kelly whether “narcissism” and “living for yourself when it’s always about you” can possibly lead to “joy and fulfillment.” Kelly then made the convoluted point that just like he had to accept he was dumb after getting a 0.0 GPA in college, Handler had to accept that being a “girl boss” is a myth and women have no worth without children.

He said women have “been told that they should do career and don’t do a family” and that “soon you’re Chelsea Handler.”

“Soon it’s Valentine’s Day and your womb resembles a dried-up tumbleweed blowing down an old Western town and your Valentine’s Day date for the 10th year in a row is 10-year-old copy of Magic Mike and a half-full bottle of Xanax, and you’re trying to pretend like you’re happy, but you’re not happy and it’s actually not her fault. She’s been lied to by a country that has lost its way.”

Handler decided not to take it lying down. In response, she posted a video clapping back at Carlson, Kelly, and right-wing journalist Ben Shapiro, who also criticized her video about being child-free.

Handler said she noticed “an emergency meeting of the receding hairline society” to discuss the video. “Why would I even need my own children when I get to hear these crybabies all the time?” she asked viewers, joking that she would never take half a bottle of Xanax, as Kelly suggested, because she takes “way more than that.”

She said she didn’t want to debate whether she was a “girl boss” but that she “did just look at my bank account and think, that’s pretty girl boss.” Then she emphasized the more than 10 people she has put through college, her six New York Times bestselling books, and her new Netflix standup special.

“And I thought, yeah you are a girl boss,” she said, adding that the men are clearly triggered by her and that Carlson should ask himself if he is actually upset about her freedom or that he hasn’t been able to take it away from her.

And finally, she spoke directly to Carlson, “I think we both know that you are hate-masturbating to me, and I’m down with that,” she said, before singing off.

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