Newsflash: This sheriff’s candidate wants you to know he’s not gay

Scott M. Vecchi Bil Browning

Scott M. Vecchi is running for sheriff in Plymouth County. Scott M. Vecchi is not gay. And Scott M. Vecchi is not anti-Semitic either.

These are things you should know. Scott M. Vecchi, Esq. is not an anti-Semitic gay man, he is a law enforcement professional, people. He can quote Socrates, man. C’mon. This is not some small time operation you’re dealing with.

Since Scott M. Vecchi is a law enforcement professional, he quickly caught wind of some rumors being spread by the current sheriff’s “minions.” After a brief investigation and a moment or two’s thought, law enforcement professional Scott M. Vecchi decided to make a video to tackle the innuendoes “head on.”

“While I have a lot of openly gay friends and I’m a big supporter of the LGBTQ community, much to the dismay of gay men everywhere, I’m not gay. Sorry to break your heart,” law enforcement professional Scott M. Vecchi tells viewers while standing in front of a very lonely looking bridge to what’s likely another county.

“Not only am I not anti-Semitic,” our bright little bulb continues, “my cousin’s Jewish and his family is Jewish. And my cousin’s son is a doctor in New York City who I’m very proud of.”

Oh. And his company didn’t steal money from the government. Whatever. He’s not gay. That’s the most important thing.

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