Election Commentary

Five perfect queer running mates Trump should consider

5. Caitlyn Jenner

She’s transgender, she’s Republican, and she is unapologetic. She also has unfavorable numbers to rival Trump’s, so bringing her aboard could be a net positive if she draws some fire away from The Donald. Jenner boasts she is a constitutionalist, which could be helpful to Trump as he dismantles the Bill of Rights in his first 100 days in office. And in addition to being Trump’s trans ambassador, Jenner looks great in black, which is perfect for all those state funerals she’ll have to attend as vice president. We do shudder a bit, however, at the thought of this conversation in the Rose Garden: “President Trump, this is my son-in-law, Kanye West.” That alone could be a dealbreaker.

4. Democratic Senator Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin

Cheeseheads, rejoice! Since Wisconsin is typically a swing state with divided loyalties, a long Democratic history and a quixotic antigay Republican governor, it could be helpful to have Baldwin on board to provide some midwest honesty and decency, especially to offset Trump’s so-called New York values. Only hitch: she’s a raving liberal and her nomination would surely cause GOP convention delegates’ heads to implode. Conversion therapy is bogus for LGBTQs and we don’t think it’ll work any better on Democrats, so Sen. Baldwin would be a tough sell.

3. Republican Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen of Florida

Now, admittedly, Rep. Ros-Lehtinen is not queer. But she belongs on this list because she has a transgender son and she is very proactive on LGBTQ issues in Congress. Plus, she’s from Florida. Donald loves Florida! Florida is huuuge! And she’s Latina. Donald loooves Hispanics! He had a taco bowl on Cinco de Mayo, did anybody see — oh, okay. But best of all, her first name fits in with the names of the other women in Trump’s life: Ileana, Melania, Ivanka, Tiffany. Well, okay, not so much Tiffany, but we didn’t feel right leaving her out.

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