I have been fighting for LGBT rights for a long, long time. Fred Phelps was not always in that fight, but if feels like he was. It feels like he has always been and always will be anti-gay hatred personified.
He was not a contributor to the hardest time of that fight which was not the recent battles for marriage equality. It was during the escalation of the AIDS crisis. While so many of my wonderful friends became instantly sick and dying, the public landscape was filled with squeaky clean looking politicians and evangelicals who casually ignored or demeaned us. Our challenge as a community then was not to be embraced or given equality, it was to gain a modicum of dignity and respect. He was inspired by that lack of respect and sought to capitalize on it.
The nineties arrived with progressive gains were in process, still painfully slow. Then an event occurred that was so graphic and raw, that it tore not only at the heart of the LGBT community, but caught the attention of the mass population in a way that hundreds of thousands of deaths of gay men had not.
A young man named Mathew Shepherd was beaten and found crucified on a Wyoming fence.
The shock and horror of Matthew’s demise was magnified with what, or more to the point, who, came next: Fred Phelps.
Phelps and his Westboro Church were opportunistic. The high profile of the Matthew Shepherd case was the perfect chance for them to grab the notoriety they craved. While the nation reeled in shock, they picketed Mathew’s funeral and proclaimed that the young victim would burn in hell.
We had not seen such bold insensitivity on the part of the homophobic voice before and it offended not only those who disagreed with it, but also those who shared its sentiments.
The Phelps clan’s appearance at the funeral began a very long and notorious career of protesting at as many visible AIDS victim and LGBT funerals as they could find. They also targeted Pride events and celebrations. They became the lightning rod of hatred towards gay people.
When after time, they felt they were not getting enough attention for that hatred from an apathetic American public, they morphed their protests to include fallen American service people. They could barely rationalize this activity and were naked seeking to incite by picking targets of people whom the public revered.
Now, Fred Phelps is dead. Many will celebrate, and many will make comments about picketing his funeral in an eye-for-an-eye retaliation. I will not be among them.
I do not respect Fred Phelps, nor do I forgive the pain he inflicted, but I value him. I value what he contributed to the struggle for LGBT equality. I am grateful that because of his presence, millions woke up to understand homophobia better and to confront it.
His activity had a dramatic and unintended consequence. He and his family became the mirror that many Americans had to face about their own attitudes about LGBT people. They did not like what they saw.
Others who did not harbor such negativity themselves were made aware that such oppression existed. My blogger friend Ono Kono was one, she wrote, “Two decades ago, I was unaware of the struggle of LGBT people. Back then, I was a busy working Mom, juggling career and family. I cared about others, but I was asleep when it came to their plight…I thank you Phelps clan for opening my heart to love, in spite of your hatred for my LGBT brothers and sisters.
I saw the cruelty in your eyes, echoed by the pain in others who watched you. I don’t know what brought you down your path to hatred. I can only say, I thank you for being so open about it, but only because you helped me wake up to the horrid truth that people who hate still exist.”
Fred Phelps and his Westboro Church believe what many who are homophobic out of “religious” principles espouse. Their anti-gay stance is based on a poorly thought out, superficial reading of the colloquially translated Bible. “The Bible says that being gay is a sin”, is the popular notion.
The Bible does not actually say that. What it actually represents is specific writings from ancient times, addressing situations in those times and places that have nothing to do with modern LGBT people. In order to make it apply to our current life, its proponents have to take passages out of historical or cultural context and demand only a calculated literal understanding of them. Fred Phelps has been their undoing.
Phelps held a mirror up to the homophobic Christians as to what their “principles” looked like. They did not like what they saw. They saw hatred, but did not feel like haters. It forced many to take a more educated look at scripture and found their original uneducated comprehension was lacking. They found there were many ancient mandates there that did not apply to modern life, and they found that the passages they had ascribed to gay people both did not apply, nor did they feel the ramifications reflected the bigger core principles of love that they valued.
Fred Phelps became the example that no self respecting Christian wanted to become. Many actively readdressed their values and public tolerance of LGBT rights began to surge.
One of my blogs about my family got on the Phelps’s radar about a year ago. It inspired this tweet from Fred’s daughter, “Fag marriage is not about ideology or who’s “nice”. It’s about obeying God as a Nation!” My sincere response to her was: “Thanks Margie. Your family has done more to propel gay rights forward than mine ever could. Congrats.”
That is my requiem to Fred Phelps. He was a man with a mission. His failure to succeed is his triumph. My sons do not know who he is, and while they may eventually hear of him, they will not experience him.
He achieved the most epic fail in modern history. Not only did he not inspire a single person to his point of view, he drove millions away in revulsion. For everything he lost in personal credibility and respect, he helped fortify the well being of those he sought to destroy.
His contribution is iconic for that very reason. It is a lesson that today’s fundamentalist Christians who seek to discriminate under the banner of “religious freedom” need to absorb. My hope is that at the death of Mr. Phelps, they take a sober look at his legacy, and seek not to emulate it.
He is their current and present wake up call.