Itโs June, so it feels like every company is slapping rainbows on their products to celebrate LGBTQ Pride.
But what about straight people? Arenโt they allowed to show their pride too?ย Now they can with some beauti- umโฆ special Straight Pride gear.
Amazon appears to be the place to go for Straight Pride gear, where folks who want everyone to know that that one time back in college does not mean theyโre queer can order this gray pin.
It comes with not one, but four symbols of Straight Pride: the gray rainbow, the reverse gray rainbow, some horizontal stripes, and the pink-and-blue empty heart.
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If thatโs not proud enough for you, you can order this T-shirt that shows a silhouette of a straight couple getting married. Because this is what straight people do all day: have weddings.
Reviews on the T-shirt show that people understand the point of Straight Pride.ย โJust the thing to piss off sensitive little snowflakes!โ one review says.
โIโm allowed to be straight,โ says another, even though no one ever told them that they werenโt allowed to be straight. But you never know when a country where LGBTQ people are massively underrepresented in politics will pass a law banning heterosexuality.
Now youโre probably thinking: โThis is all great and people will definitely know that Iโm straight now. But what if Iโm driving and they canโt see my clothes?โ
Well, Amazon has you covered again.
And donโt worry about someone vandalizing your car if you use this decal: hate crimes against straight people are practically nonexistent.
What Pride celebration would be complete without a flag? This gray rainbow flag conveniently says โSTRAIGHT PRIDEโ in block letters since most straight people wonโt recognize it because straight people arenโt oppressed.
This Straight Pride pin with interlocking male and female symbols will really โtrigger the libs,โ which, if the reviews on the products mean anything, is the entire point of Straight Pride gear.
This T-shirt references #HeterosexualPrideDay, a Twitter campaign from a few years ago that was usurped by white supremacists because hate is hate.
Not all Straight Pride gear is serious, though. Take this T-shirt. Itโs funny because even sex involving two women is straight if everyone is there to cater to a straight manโs sexual desires.