NEW YORK — From coming out to dating to dealing with discrimination, Lindsay King-Miller has put together a guide, “Ask a Queer Chick,” that is tailor made for, as she describes, “girls who dig girls.”
The title of the new book, out in February from the Penguin imprint Plume, is also the name of the advice column King-Miller has written online since 2011.
“I wanted to expand on some of the questions I get asked most frequently,” she said in a recent interview from Denver, where she is a guest artist in creative writing at the Denver School of the Arts.
“The primary audience for the book is intended to be young LGBTQ people, but I do include a chapter that’s directed at straight and cisgender people who have questions about how to interact and support the queer people in their lives,” she said.
King-Miller, 28, said young people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer or questioning community often don’t have a personal go-to source in their lives for “compassionate guidance” or the kind of advice usually dispensed by a mother, older sister or other close friend or family member.
While she covers broad topics such as dating, breaking up and how to seek out community, King-Miller also focuses on more specific issues.
Take “lesbian bed death,” for instance. She calls that an “awful term” coined in the 1980s to describe the “supposed tendency of queer women to stop having sex altogether after a few years of dating.”
The term, she laughed, sounds more like a lethal disease. King-Miller notes the phenom has been “somewhat discredited” in recent years but the phrase hangs on.
“The idea of LBD makes people nervous, if you go a few days or a few weeks without having sex. You go, ‘Oh no, is this lesbian bed death,'” she said. “Is this how it starts? The reality is subsequent studies have shown that all people in long-term relationships find that the frequency of their sex lives decreases, then tends to plateau and stay below what it was in the first year.”
However, she said, “lesbian couples report longer sexual encounters. So while they’re having sex less frequently, they’re having sex for longer, and they report similar satisfaction with their sex lives as their heterosexual counterparts.”