A gay dad’s open letter to the Kentucky county clerk who won’t do her job

Respect is really the key issue at hand — for you and for the gay couples you refuse to help. You’re demanding a respect for your beliefs that’s far beyond what’s reasonable, and these couples are demanding respect for their ability to determine the course of their own lives. Their demands are not just reasonable; they point to the way things should be.

Your demands do not.

The way that you demand the terms of your job adhere to your own standards — rather than the objective standards of law — reminds me of how my 12-year-old son would like rules applied. He’d like to be able to go to the local pool with his 13-year-old brother totally unattended. The pool’s rule for unattended kids is 14 and older. Jesse applies his logic this way: “Dad. If you add our ages together, that makes 25. It’s the same thing.” (Imagine them trying that logic at the local dance bar.)

His logic and the rules are not the same thing. Neither is your desire and the rule you want to break on behalf of “your beliefs.”

I have to admit that as a Christian myself; I don’t understand the religious system you claim to have. Nowhere in the Bible does it demand that you impede the family of a same-sex couple. It doesn’t even imply that you should. The key principle of the golden rule — to do unto others as you would have do unto you — and Christ’s second great commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself”, are totally counter to your behavior.

Much has been made of the fact that your own marriage license indicates that married multiple times. There are, theoretically, county clerks who would find your requests for re-marriage counter to Jesus’s directive on divorce. How would you react to them deeming you as “unmarryable”?

In that scenario, I would defend you. I embrace Christ. I feel He’s given us the awareness to understand that His directive on divorce was tied to a specific time and place. His purpose wasn’t to saddle people into hopeless permanent unions, but to protect women from destitution.

Even though I’m confused as to your exact motivations, I ask that you reconsider your choices for a completely different reason. You set a horrendous example for young people like my sons, who should be learning how to effectively co-exist with others in society.

Your behavior reminds me of Jesse’s. He has a high sense of what he considers right and wrong just as he did about the pool, and when confronted, he’ll hold his stand to the bitter end. Sometimes his stand is the correct and appropriate one. But we get into trouble when it’s not.

In those situations, he, like you, will want to do what he wants, when he wants. It has taken a lot of discussions and a lot of maturing on his part to try joining the team. By agreeing up front to the terms of engagement, he doesn’t get to violate rules just because he wants to.

It’s a lesson I wish you would learn.

You seem to share the need for life lessons around choosing with whom you associate. When Jesse puts his foot down on something he needs to do, but doesn’t want to, he asks his allies for credibility or support: “My friends don’t think that’s fair!” Invariably, those he calls upon to do the wrong thing have a vested interest. They want him to take the action, not for his well-being, but because it serves their interests.

Such is your relationship with Liberty Counsel. As the Lexington Herald-Leader observes, the Liberty Counsel:

“describes itself as a nonprofit that provides pro bono legal representation related to “religious freedom, the sanctity of life, and the family,” funded by tax-deductible donations and grants. In 2012 those gifts reached just over $3.5 million and in 2013 topped $4.1 million, according to IRS filings.”

They further point out that the group’s involvement with you isn’t because they believe they can bring you satisfaction, but rather that Liberty’s attorneys know they can’t win the case in Rowan County.

“Same-sex marriage is legal since the Supreme Court’s June 26 decision, and it’s Davis’ job to issue marriage licenses. So, why is Liberty Counsel marching alongside Davis in this losing cause? It takes a lot to keep that marketing machine humming and those executives paid, and the only way to keep those donations coming is to stay in the news. For that purpose a losing cause is just as good as — and perhaps better than — a winning one.”

Liberty Counsel seeks to attract emotionally-charged hate money from those people who want to harm gay families — the people who want to criminalize homosexuality — from those who see gay marriage and abortion with equal passion. Just because they’ve rallied around your cause doesn’t mean they’re your friends. What they’re doing to you is worse than what they will actually be able to affect towards LGBT families.

I wish you’d take a deep look into what would make you the better person. Your “friends”, who will reap millions, are telling you to hang out until the end — when you’ll be potentially unemployed, and perceived globally as a selfish intolerant hypocrite who was cruel to her neighbors. If you succeed on your current plan at the behest of Liberty Counsel, they’ll make a lot of money, and, in a paradoxical way, you will be the loser.