Bilerico Report

Only Donald Trump can protect us from an alien invasion

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Bil Browning

“[Mexico is] sending people that have lots of problems, and they are bringing those problems to us. They are bringing drugs, and bringing crime, and they’re rapists.” — Donald Trump, June 16, 2015, Trump Tower, NYC, during announcement for presidential run

Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican candidate for President, later went on to declare that “I will win the Hispanic vote.”

As a hot topic of discussion in political pundit circles, José Díaz-Balart, host of MSNBC’s “The Daily Rundown,” brought up Trump’s claims and ever-increasing poll numbers on his show, Wednesday, July 15, 2015. Talking with his guest, Victoria DeFrancesco Soto of the Center for Politics and Governance at the LBJ School of Public Affairs at the University of Texas, about a number of Trump’s claims regarding the Mexican government and Mexican people, Díaz-Balart asked, “When [Trump] says the U.S. is getting the short end of the stick, what’s he talking about?”

DeFrancesco Soto answered the question with a question many pundits have been pondering even prior to Trump’s entry into the race: “What planet is Donald on?”

Well, wonder no longer. The Donald has been located! In what was intended as a secret mission, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) broke silence by announcing today that Mr. Trump was launched into space over nine years ago aboard the New Horizons Spacecraft, which is currently passing the so-called dwarf planet of Pluto, some 3 billion miles from Earth. During that time, Mr. Trump has materialized on our planet as projected holographic images, hence the mechanism by which he could seem to appear in two places at once.

According to Trump onboard this truly historic space voyage, “I decided to enter this mission because second only to Mexican criminals and rapists, I knew many years ago that Plutonian illegal aliens would invade the United States one day bringing with them new diseases and spent nuclear fuel rods thus imperiling our great nation.” Trump explained that, “I paid my own way here since I am so rich, so very very rich.”

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