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A gay dad sounds off on the Utah fasting guy’s latest childish rant

Sunday, January 19, 2014

messy-baby

Trestin Meacham is not a special individual.  For the people who share his mindset, he is actually quite typical.  He finds a singular way of expressing himself, and for that, he gets notoriety.

Because he typifies some of those holding key points of anti-gay frustration, he remains a point of interest for me and others.  He is not alone. With an Oklahoma lawmaker calling gay people “human wrongs” and the government of Nigeria terrorizing its LGBT citizens, and dozens of idiotic ramblings from various lawmakers and clergy, Mr. Meacham’s point of view is more common than many of us are comfortable.

He crawled his way into public notoriety a few weeks ago when he declared that he would fast until the state of Utah declared “nullification” over a federal ruling on same sex marriage.  The Supreme Court declared a temporary stay on additional marriages taking place in stead.  At that point Trestin was hungry and he ate.

At the time, while I am sure Mr. Meacham saw himself as a latter day Gandhi or Caesar Chavez, I likened his behavior to that of my kids who refused to eat when they did not get their way.  Many agreed.  Like my kids, the first round of a tantrum even after it is pacified, is rarely the last.  It often entails grandiose statements, exaggerated emotion and tears.

Mr. Meacham has followed the pattern.

In the case of my kids, my son Jesse lashes out at the object of the conflict, declares his forever intent and slams his fist down.  “I HATE school!  I am never going back there ever!  And I am NEVER going to talk to <fill in the blank> again!”  he will declare with absolute conviction, red-faced and tears streaming down his face. 

The tears always get me, it breaks my heart to see him cry, but I am also conflicted and try not to laugh at the perfectly executed high drama.  So, I hug him and address him in a reasonable voice.

“OK, Pal.  I know you are having hard feelings right now, and it is never OK to hate.  Let’s just take a breath, calm down, and we can think it out a little later.  Just know that I love you, and it is going to be OK.”  With that, he crumples in my arms, and we let it go for a few hours before we can deal with the issue rationally.  Which, we always do.

Like Jesse, Mr. Meacham followed his refusal to eat with a nasty little diatribe this week.  He seemed to stamp his feet and took to his Facebook page with a new rant:

“Let’s be clear about something, my mission, my purpose in life is to stand against the homosexual movement. Not to persecute or hate gay individuals, but to stand against and defeat the homosexual movement.

“I will never stop, as long as I draw breath. I will stand against them when they attack the churches. I will stand against them when they attack individuals. I will stand against them in my old age. I will stand against them in sickness and health. They can kill my body, but my spirit will never submit to their tyranny. I will expose their hate and rage. I will expose their persecution of religion. And I will expose their hidden plans. This secret combination has made a powerful foe. This is only the beginning!”  

I obviously could not observe Mr. Meacham in person, but I suspect there might have been loud pounding and tears as he typed.

In any case, here is my follow up response to Mr. Meacham:

Dear Mr. Meacham,

I am a bit mystified by your public outburst this week on Facebook.  You are obviously outraged and it would appear, feeling that your recent hunger fast was a failure.  At the time, I suggested that instead of implementing that kind of protest, that you would be better served joining my family, or one like mine, for dinner.  I am going to assume you thought I was kidding.

I was not.  While you claim to have “friends and relatives” that are gay, you do not seem to have ever sat down with them and their families and tried to understand them.  I really think it would be beneficial for all if you knew exactly with what you were dealing.

You claim you are “standing against the homosexual movement” but not “persecuting or hating” gay individuals.  Could you clarify the difference for me?  As far as I can see, the “homosexual movement” is responsible for saving over a million people from an untimely death from the AIDS epidemic, it allowed gay people to make progress in being forced from their homes, fired from their jobs and be protected from targeted terrorism in the form of hate crimes.  It has allowed gay people to fight for their country and for their loved ones to stand by them in dignity.  It has supported responsible adults in loving, committing and forming strong families, including many that have saved thousands and thousands of children from foster care and isolation.

Are these the things that you are “standing against”?  You seem to loathe the idea of hating individual people, but eager to hate this idea of a “movement”.  Unfortunately, they are one and the same.  By hating the protections that progress has afforded in the past few years, you are hating people, their loved ones and their families.

You are hating me.  You are hating my kids.  I understand you are upset, and I understand that you are afraid, but that does not make your sentiment OK.

You fear they will come after your church.  No one is doing that.  No one is going to do that.  No one is coming after you.  The worst you could say over the reaction to your threatening self-harm was that there were a great many people who were not particularly interested in saving you.  You said you were willing to starve, and they were willing to let you.

No one in the vast, entire “homosexual movement” is looking to interfere with your individual life.  Starve or gorge, the entire LGBT community is willing to leave you alone.  They, we, just want you to do the same for us.  If we step up to the profound responsibility of supporting and caring for our family, we want nothing from you but the respect to allow us to do so.

So, I leave you with the same suggestion that I did in my last note:  if you care about this issue so passionately, you need to let go of your fears and assumptions, and go get to know some real people.  Get to know the lesbian couple and the children they have brought into the world.  Go get to know the gay dads who have rescued four kids from drug addicted abusive birth parents who would have killed them, go talk to the soldier whose partner stayed true and steadfast while the love of his life was across the world in mortal danger, go meet the artist, the athlete, the musician, the teacher, and go meet the couple who are dedicating their lives to each other and important careers who want nothing more than a secure home to return to each evening.

Those people, and those lives are what you are staring down, your fist held high, threatening to “defeat”.  You like to think that what you are expressing is not “hate”.  Right now, I am having trouble finding another word for it.

Whatever you decide to call it, is that really the thing you want to commit your life to?  I hope not, for you more than anyone.  If it is, yours will be a miserable life.

Sincerely,
A Dad

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68 more reader comments:

  1. The dude’s just mad because no woman in her right mind would ever bear children for or with him. So since he’s miserable he wants everyone to be miserable along with him.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:39pm
  2. you are right on the money,misery loves company.

    Replied on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:10pm
  3. Couldn't get a hard on without instructions.

    Replied on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 3:31pm
  4. He’s gonna starve himself…. On the bright side, thats one less ignorant person to deal with….

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:41pm
  5. No he won't. He's all bluster and no substance.

    Replied on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:19pm
  6. One might hope, but sadly he'll eat and then claim that it was the gays who made him eat....

    Replied on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:17am
  7. That tue misery loves company

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:41pm
  8. What a nut job. I guess the secret agenda I should have received 30 odd years ago must have gotten lost in the mail. Be back later, gonna run down to the mail box.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:42pm
  9. Let’s NOT throw temper tantrums.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:43pm
  10. Equal Rights….opens the doors of awareness and ignorance. To be closed-minded is to be lacking in open-mindedness. Thus, we have bigotry and intolerance. Equality for “ALL!”

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:45pm
  11. Whispered Words – I agree with you!!!

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:46pm
  12. Totally awesome post and letter. Great job .

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:51pm
  13. I have a secret agenda. And I’m gay. The gay secret agenda? Learn how to make homemade Swiss Rolls… Those shits are DELICIOUS.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:52pm
  14. Bravo. Couldn’t have said it better.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:52pm
  15. Let the man act like a baby if he wants to, all the more of a reason for women to reject him.let’s all hope that he never gets to breed and pass on the ignorance. Equality for all!!

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:54pm
  16. Oh my God!!! You’re gonna come to my house and cook, Derrick Seidel?Oh the humanity!!!

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:55pm
  17. Did it throw anybody else off when it said advise?

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:56pm
  18. Wow, that Meacham guy needs to come out as gay before he offends someone.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 10:57pm
  19. oh my days. Love the gay dads response. perfectly worded. I love a happy ending. So hope the guy takes up the offer of a meal and getting to know the writer and hs family.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:00pm
  20. Yawnnnnnnnn

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:05pm
  21. B4 I came to accept my homosexuality I WAS rabidly antilgbt like Jesse Meacham. He’s just a classic closet case. I’ll wait for his coming out to the world.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:07pm
  22. its been 3 weeks now that he stopped eating. shouldn’t he be dead by now.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:10pm
  23. I love this! You are right on with this response!! Thank you.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:13pm
  24. Trestin Meacham, I’m OK with your starvation. Attention Whore.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:18pm
  25. Remarkably well written! ❤️❤️❤️

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:19pm
  26. Again, very well said sir.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:19pm
  27. People have the right to believe whatever they want whether we like it or not or whether we agree with it or not. So stop being hypocrits and let the guy believe as he chooses.

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:21pm
  28. Shhhh, let him keep fasting; it’s time to let stupid die!

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:42pm
  29. surely mr meacham is a closeted case….mormon, 35 years old and still single?….yes, freaking gay…he is not fooling anybody…just himself

    Posted on Sunday, January 19, 2014 at 11:48pm
  30. he is on the wrong side of life- just like his church was for years about not letting Blacks join their church

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:11am
  31. Well, to be fair, they let Blacks join their church. They just couldn't go to their temples or be Elders and High Priests, among other things. They could always be baptized into their ranks.

    Replied on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:26am
  32. He’s eating some type of protein shake or something of the sorts. He gives too much shit about himself to starve himself to death.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:14am
  33. And I believe if it goes too far they can force feed someone either in a hospital or mental hospital (definitely mental), but he has to be diagnosed with some sort of mental illness/disorder.

    Replied on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:15am
  34. I think Mr. Meacham needs a nap.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:27am
  35. Beautiful.:-)

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:52am
  36. The only “homosexual movement” I have is in the bathroom!

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:55am
  37. Bravo!! Beautifully, eloquently put.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:07am
  38. Let’s all send him a binky for Christmas.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:08am
  39. well said.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:13am
  40. Jesse Meacham is typical of his ilk. Immature, infantile and childish. One long temper tantrum. I want him to fast to death.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:17am
  41. Wait so his starving himself WORKED!? Someone clear this up for me.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:21am
  42. A calm reasonable response, which is more than that hate-filled windbag in Utah deserves. I am starting to think Christian paranoia is a self fulfilling prophecy – the more they talk about our SECRET plans to destroy Christianity, the more I want to do it.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:27am
  43. Well well said!

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:50am
  44. It’s all about Trestin! Trestin! Trestin!

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 1:51am
  45. Such a well written response. Don’t waste your time. The guy is a total whack job.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 2:53am
  46. I agree with Aaron.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 3:02am
  47. Gawd I would like to kick that hunger strike guy in the ass what a spoilt shit when he doesn’t get his own way

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 4:53am
  48. everyone has a right to persue happiness-its the law

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 5:05am
  49. I totally agree w/dad! Well said!

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 5:21am
  50. Bravo to Rob Watson!! <3

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 5:24am
  51. misson impossible…. the real story

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 7:11am
  52. The article was well written. This guy did engage in a temper tantrum. I read a post about him when he first started to fast. I forgot about him and his anger/hunger strike. He should put his energies into a volunteer activity and grow up. Who even has time to engage in a hunger strike. If I had such a tantrum my family would not eat. He is spoiled and a bully!

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 7:25am
  53. Come on guys. This is to all you who have said that you wish that Mr. Meacham would die fasting: no matter what his opinions are or how hateful HE may be, doing the same makes us no better than he. Being kind and loving human beings to this man (and everyone else, for that matter) is the only way to strip away the hate. Show him that there is no reason to fear and he will not do so

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 7:53am
  54. I think that people like Meacham are part of God’s plan, but certainly placed in such a loathsome part of civilization; he is at the bottom of humanity, a least enlightened individual, a black sheep and I would think one of God’s least favorites.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 8:16am
  55. I really don’t understand Meacham’s hate. As for bible values he is not reading the words to not judge and to love one another – way too sad. We can all help by using our love in the right way.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 8:26am
  56. I think he should resume his hunger strike once less of ” his kind” the world would be a better place.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 9:37am
  57. while this might fly in the face of anti christian rhetoric. Trestin I hope you puke to death on your diatribes

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 10:39am
  58. ADVICE, not advise. Two different words.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 12:44pm
  59. Dude just drink chloroform and get the fuck over yourself

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 3:18pm
  60. I WANT him to fast…go ahead fuckhead, die. Starve, the world will be abetter place without you, dickhead, in it.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 3:30pm
  61. well can you blame him? giving gays the right to marry, look what happened..the moon exploded, trees exploded, the seas ran red. Wait none of that happened. People were just Finally able to love someone and share their lives together. Love is love.

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 4:02pm
  62. Carlitos

    Posted on Monday, January 20, 2014 at 4:17pm
  63. The guy is fasting to be able to fit in his wedding dress.

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 3:16am
  64. Fuck Utah

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 3:23am
  65. Fasting: failed

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 3:32am
  66. Someone needs go put some dog turds in his next meal.

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 3:36am
  67. FANTASTICALLY WRITTEN!! I LOVED IT. :)

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 4:13am
  68. Been done already. “Segregation yesterday; segregation today; segretation forever.” Wallace is dead.

    Posted on Tuesday, January 21, 2014 at 4:57am