It’s time for some education around Transgender issues and what is now seen as transphobic or discriminatory language.
A few months ago, I was on a bus trip from NYC to DC and the two young collegiates next to me were having a really intelligent discussion about the current political atmosphere. While I don’t think they were LGBT, they were certainly progressive enough.
I smiled as I listened to them banter on about the environment and the damage that some Republican candidates would do to our country. When all of a sudden, they started discussing a party they’d been to the night before and out popped the sentence “She looked like a tranny.” To me, this was jarring because as an activist, I’ve been trained that “tranny” is an offensive and downright unacceptable term to be using.
I interrupted the young men, apologized for eavesdropping for the past hour or so and let them know that the term they were using was hurtful towards transgender people. They immediately apologized and thanked me for letting them know.
At the beginning of this month on Huffington Post, the bastion of liberal blogs, there was a little survey entitled “Who looks more like a Tranny? Sofia Vergara or Blake Lively.” When it was brought to their attention that they were using an anti-trans slur, they immediately removed it and issued an apology.
And then just a few weeks ago, Kelly Osborn issued an apology for using the word in a Glamour UK interview, with regards to a transgender friend of hers. Kelly was under fire immediately and reached out to GLAAD for advice on how the word was offensive and education on how she could reach out to apologize for her gaffe. She wrote a wonderful piece, ironically enough, for Huffington Post titled “I’m retiring the word ‘Tranny’ … will you join me?”
And then on Friday morning, I was referred to a video of our very own Neil Patrick Harris co-hosting “LIVE with Kelly”. The two were inhaling a gas which was the opposite of helium, whose properties actually lower your voice in the same way helium raises it. Neil made the comment “I’ve never sounded more like a tranny in my life.”
I’ve met Neil on several occasions now and have worked with his partner David a few times, and I can tell you that if Neil had ever been informed that what he said might be offensive to some people, he never would have used it. If one of the most out, positive LGBT role models out there has not been educated on this issue, then we need to be doing better work.
I know among some, there will be the desire to break out the pitchforks and torches and make an example out of NPH. But the truth of the matter is, when even members of our own community don’t know about these things, or know and use them anyway, we should pivot to education, not attack. Each moment like this is a chance to move the ball forward. I urge people to avoid jumping to the conclusion that he is a “transphobe” or that he “doesn’t give two shits about trans women.” It comes off as not only extreme, but potentially counter productive. We make a lot of assumptions about the use of a word that many have not yet been trained to avoid.
Trans issues are happily, finally coming to the forefront. With Chaz Bono’s appearance on “Dancing with the Stars” and the doors that has opened, I’m hoping to see far more attention paid to the T of the LGBT – it’s about time. But in doing so, we must find as many opportunities as we can, to educate. If we start out by attacking people who honestly have not been told otherwise, we will lose potential allies.
As expected, NPH has come through with an apology for his use of the slur:
Please continue to help educate others on potentially offensive language. Many responses to this post have been met with “I had no idea that we shouldn’t use that word” or “My friends use it all the time, I’ll ask them not to now.”
All it takes is a little education.
I would like to ask all who read this to take a little time and read this GLAAD Media Reference Guide and transgender glossary of terms. The education has to start somewhere.
And, take a look at this excellent explanation of transphobic language from Bilerico.com (thanks Vincent Villano at National Center for Transgender Equality). Click to enlarge:
Filed under: Views & Voices
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Not a big deal…
we really need to stop being so sensitive…soon we will not be able to say anything with out offending some one..
Seriously. A lame ass twitter apology ? He is typical of most gay males. They have always looked down on trans persons. How soon they forget Stonewall wasnt led by the gays, it was drag queens and trans women. And unthinking privileged assholes benefit while transpersons remain the butt of their jokes.
Maybe, but if some one calls me a “fag”, it’s on!! lol
Why is it so hard to just not say something that is deliberately hurtful towards another group? It’s as easy as thinking about what you’re going to say before you say it..
It brings up a certain point for me as well. I am adopted and I always find it somewhat insulting when people ask me who my “real parents” are and if I have ever met them. My real parents are the couple that raised me since birth and love me as any “natural parents” would, maybe even more.
all depends on the context and whom is saying it to me…
i can’t say n*gger, ch*nk, sp*ck, c*nt, f*g, ret*rd, k*ke, or any other offensive words….i guess i could not say tr*nny
Oh please! There is a drag show in Wilton Manors called Tranny Palace every Sunday night. If it’s good enough for them…
It’s kind of a word not to use unles you’re sure you can use it, you know?
I know people in the LGBT community that say Tranny. Is this going to be one of those things like, only an african american can call another african american the N word; only a transgender can call another transgender a Tranny.
Yeah, I feel like this article misses the point a little. It`s not just about the use of the word “tranny”. It would have been offensive even if NPH had said “I’ve never sounded more like a transgender person in my life.” The point is that transgender people are constantly used as the butt of jokes, as Kynthia Alice said above, even by cisgender gay people. It’s not about, oh, NPH was never taught that the word “tranny” is offensive. It’s part of the constant dehumanization of transpeople.
I agree with this article, it should be a time for education not attacking. In my opinion the only thing GLAAD has been doing is thought-policing. Every time someone famous says “fag” or anything of that sort, they practically force the person to make an apology which never seems genuine or sincere. When you start saying “you can’t say that” people get REALLY annoyed which in the end is counter productive.
Instead we should be working to destigmatize these words, just like the LGBTQ community reclaimed “queer”, we’ve changed its meaning. Not saying we should “reclaim” every word, but stop letting it affect you so much. When you start saying they’re offensive people will just keep using them because that’s their intended purpose… to offend people.
I say ‘tranny’ all the time. Couldn’t care less, because I don’t use it for degrading purposes. We need to care more about intent than a word itself.
To my mechanic… Can you please check my automatic transmission. Boy that is a mouthful.
i think Neil is confused – he is a gay man playing straight – that is his bread n butter – prob just wants to distance himself publicly
I will use whatever word I like if your offended thats your problem we dont need to ve offeneded by ev er y lil thing
I totally agree with daryyl. we as people really need to stop being so sensitive. If we constantly have to walk on egg shells in the event of offending someone there is a problem. It however is different if it is used in a derogatory manor
Words have meaning. And this term is so often used to degrade and dehumanize the trans community. It’s not being over sensitive, it’s asking you to think before you speak.
Fuck being pc. There comes a point where people just need to learn to laugh things off. It’s like telling a kid what Not to do, it makes them want to do it more. If we keep giving these words the appearance of having power the haters will only use them more. Own the words, laugh them off or better yet, give them different meaning. After all, they are just that- words. Try banning things that do hurt us, like guns and the hate groups that encourage our rights being attacked.
To everyone commenting that identifies as LGB who says it’s not a big deal, is it a big deal to you when someone calls you a faggot?
^Nope.
I think you’re misunderstanding. This isn’t about people being sensitive and getting upset about something that’s not a big deal. Trans* people go through this crap every day, all day, for all of their lives. Ignorance surrounds the issue of transgenderism and because of attitudes like yours, no one wants to educate these ignorant people because they’re afraid that they’ll be called out as being too sensitive.
It’s not okay to use ‘faggot’ in polite company. Anyone who thinks that using that word is okay pretty obviously doesn’t care about the issues that gay people face every day. I assume you’re here because you’re either LGBT or an ally. I assume that you agree that ‘faggot’ is offensive. If not, I assume you understand that certain racial terms are inappropriate and should not be used. But the plight of trans people isn’t important enough to you to cut back on hateful words describing them?
Are you aware that the average lifespan for a trans* person is age 23? Think about that for a minute. At 23 You’re what, barely out of college? Still in college? Most people have not settled down with a spouse or begun a family by that time. So maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to say they’re being ‘too sensitive’ and instead make the tiny sacrifice of cutting a single hateful word out of your vocabulary.
And at Ami, words do hurt a lot of people. In case you forgot, there have been a lot of kids who have killed themselves over words.
No Chris, a lot of kids have killed themselves over being BULLIED, not necessarily being called a fag or dyke or queer. This is nothing but being insensitive and it’s seriously starting to get old. Words by themselves mean absolutely nothing; it’s the INTENT and CONTEXT behind those words that give the words themselves substance. It’s the meaning and how you use it, not the word itself. Otherwise every book ever written and published would be walking on its own two legs offending people left and right. Stop taking everything so seriously!
If you do not believe that words do not have any meaning by themselves, would you feel comfortable if your child swore on a regular basis, even if they were not expressing malicious intent?
Proof positive yet again how little the LGB community cares about the T.
As a gay person my entire life (hell, even my NAME is gay), and from SF no less, I’ve never heard that “Tranny” was offensive, unless it was meant in a deragatory way. I’ve never used it that way, but, I have said it. As a huge fan of “Live”, and NPH, I hope there’s no flak over this – if so, it seems stupid. We can call each other “queen” “girl friend” “nelly” and other things, but, if anybody who isn’t LBGT says it to us, then there’s crap about it. But, coming from our own community and saying those terms is “ok”. I’ve never been offended that way. People making such an issue over this non-issue is a waste of time. Speaking of which, I’m done.
Should a child be punished just because they hear the word “fuck” and repeat it out loud but don’t know what it means? If you let it go and let them get it out of their system WITHOUT making a big deal about it, they’ll move on and be less tempted to recognize it when they hear it as they get older. It’s the fact that you constantly tell them “That’s a bad word, don’t use it” that will make them use it more frequently. And, like every other word, “fuck” has more than one meaning. It depends on the context of the sentence you’re using it in that determines its meaning.
But you’re saying that words have meaning, yes? You just said that it’s only the intent and context behind the words. Why does “fuck,” the most malleable word in the English language, have a meaning in a situation where a child uses, but words like “fag” or “dyke” have no meaning and only matter in intent/context?
Furthermore, if you never tell the child that that is not a polite word to use, they wont’ know. A child doesn’t tell themselves, “No one is saying anything about the words I’m using. I clearly need to use new ones.” So do we tell people to not use the word “tranny,” or do we ignore it and let them continue to think that it’s an appropriate term?
Words in every language have more than one meaning and the meaning of those words change based on the context you’re using them in.
“I had a fag just yesterday.” “All fags will burn in hell.”
Same word; two sentences; two completely different meanings.
“Fuck me.” “You’re fucking crazy.”
Again; same word; two sentences, two different meanings.
If you make a big deal out of anything, kids will be more drawn to it because you’re making such a big deal out of it. If you leave it alone, they will eventually become bored with it and move on to something else.
How the fuck am I being insensitive? Even if you believe me to be incorrect, that doesn’t make me insensitive
” If you let it go and let them get it out of their system WITHOUT making a big deal about it, they’ll move on and be less tempted to recognize it when they hear it as they get older.” Did you…did you go to high school?
Also yes, words by themselves can lack meaning, but theres no doubt that most of these words have negative connotations, so when someone hears them, they assume the worst.
Lastly, what do you think getting called a fag is? Usually it’s bullying, assuming it happens on multiple occasions.
I am well aware that homonyms exist. I’m not an idiot.Since you are saying that words only truly have meaning with intent, should it really matter if a kid moves on or not? If a little kid to decides to yell out, “I fucking love you, Mom!” in a mall, he has great intention. Are you saying that the mother should feel perfectly comfortable with that? I’m using kids as an example, because they are naive and ignorant. I’m not actually trying to discuss kids specifically.
There’s a difference between freaking out and asking people to be respectful. If I hear someone say “faggot” (I don’t live in the UK so it’s pretty clear what they mean), will I freak out over how horrible they are? No, that’s ridiculous and doesn’t really serve a useful purpose. But I will ask them to be respectful and not say it, especially not as an insult. I don’t see the problem in calmly asking people to be respectful. So you can’t say a few words. So what? If you use them often enough for it to seriously bother you then you probably have issues. I can agree that making people walk on eggshells is too much, but respectfully asking people to respect each other just makes sense.
And with the kids and swearing analogy: I like it. I really do. But just letting your kid swear isn’t really the solution. Kids don’t drop swear words. They might not focus on them after awhile, but they still use them insultingly if the issue isn’t addressed. If you explain why it’s bad and calmly ask them not to, they tend to stop, at least in my experience. And they understand why they should stop (as much as they can anyway). When kids hear that it’s just disrespectful, they tend to skip past the “haha I’m breaking the rules!” phase and end up being respectful about it in turn. Same goes for adults.
In my experience the people who say these terms more often are the ones who have problems with LGBTQ people. So while a given time that someone says it won’t irk me too much, I think it’s fair to be worried about the trend. I have met people who mean it, and ones who seem like they don’t and then do. *I’d* like to not walk on eggshells trying to figure out if any newfound friends will turn on me, and everyone saying this stuff casually makes it almost impossible to tell. Respecting everyone means being aware of what we say. It also means not turning on someone disproportionately for the slightest offense, especially if it’s unintentional. But informing someone and turning on them are completely different, and if we all actually want respect then I think we should go for that middle ground, where we can learn from each other without being scared of making the slightest misstep.
Well darn, my friends and I say tranny all the time.
I long intensely for a world in which the reclamation of bad words by oppressed groups can be shared in a positive human community. In other words, where as a white person I can say to a black male friend, “You’re such a bad-ass hood nigga, and I love you, man!” Or where as a cisgender person I can joke about dressing or sounding like a tranny, and trans people can trust in my affection and respect enough that they take it exactly as they do when, say, trans activist and performer Kate Bornstein does PRECISELY the same thing. I understand why this is very hard to do, and I know how we got to this PC nightmare we live in right now, where the world is divided into these groups of those who are allowed to say a particular word and those who are not. And where there is this continual hurt and outraged policing of language . But I can’t accept this world as desirable–it’s just not free or relaxed enough. And yes, for everyone who is working themselves up into a lather of self-righteous judgmentalism right this minute–as a gay male I feel exactly this way about the word “faggot,” “fag” or “queer.” I do not feel the least bit insulted if a straight friend uses the term to describe me, in the same relaxed spirit as we gay people use the terms with each other. I can tell from tone of voice and context if the person is being loving and relaxed or offensive.
I didn’t know “Tranny” was offensive. WOW. Just FYI, I LOVE my T-girls, but I don’t think if I called one of them “Tranny” by accident, it would mean that I love them less or that they would beat me down. You live and learn. I won’t use it anymore.
The issue is not just using the term “tranny” (which is offensive to many trans woman whether people on this thread wish to deny it or not) but also using trans women as a cheap laugh for what’s basically a straight audience. Moreover, he was pretty much teaching straight audience members (and gay ones) it’s okay to use trans women as an object of ridicule and to say tranny because their beloved NPH said it. No one is saying he’s a bad guy, (and I like him as a performer) but it was a crappy thing to do and I’m glad he apologized.
I think it is good that Kelly Osborn was mentioned, because she is, I think, a great example of someone who said something offensive and then made what seemed to be a sincere attempt to apologize.
I think that the apology or lack there of is where I start get the pitchforks out. People make mistakes, that’s okay, when someone tries to learn and is remorseful we should accept that. But when people respond back with comments like “You’re so sensitive,” “take a joke” (even when your identity always seems to be the joke they want you to take) or “Have a sense of humor” that is when it shows you what kind of person you are really dealing with, and then I think it is time to start calling them out on their bias and prejudice.
Look I know how offensive it can be to some people as with many words but as I saw in comments before mine, this is just one of the many words that is used and lots of people get defensive about it when I have seen many Transgendered people use the world Tranny when describing themselves. And if anyone asks well does being called fag or dyke or any of those offend me? No it doesn’t because I’m proud of who I am so it doesn’t offend me at all. I know what he did was wrong in a good amount of eyes but we have to remember that by going after people who don’t mean to use the word with pitchforks all we’re really doing is putting power behind them.
Calling someone a tranny is no different than calling someone a faggot. It’s wrong.
serious question, is it okay for a transgender person to call themself a tr*nny?
We, as a society as a whole (not just LGBTQ) need to grow thicker skins. I mean, honestly. Has anyone seen RuPauls stupid show? Where is the outrage over THAT? Yet GLAAD and members of the LGBTQ community are going to jump all over NPH, because he made a joke, that insulted no one specifically? He’s a comedian, he’s supposed to make jokes, first of all. Second of all, if you think that comedians need to start censoring and re-thinking who is at the butt end of their joke, then you really need to reconsider the definition of comedian.
I am disabled, overweight, and a Little Person. If I called for the head of every person (or COMEDIAN, no less) who made a fat gimpy midget joke, God, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else!
In my opinion, what it really comes down to, is mob mentality…whether it’s Britney Spears, or Neil Patrick Harris…the public mob LOVE to watch someone’s rise to fame…but just as equally, when the person has reached that pedestal, the same mob loves to tear them down and watch them fall. I knew it was only a matter of time NPH’s era of being the golden boy, would start to feel a backlash. I really can find no other explanation of why people are analyzing this truly insignificant event to death, yet the TRULY offensive moments, such as any time anyone is talking on Drag Race, or bad girls club, etc etc etc, go completely unnoticed and un-remarked upon. Such a double standard, such hypocrisy.
NPH does not need to be “educated” about the use of the word. He’s probably thinking what most of the rest of the population is thinking….”when the hell did ‘tranny’ become a word that shall not be named?” I mean, really…who decides these things? One minute, a word is fine to use, and then in the next, a vocal minority decides for the majority, that no one is allowed to speak such a word anymore.
Everyday, more and more I feel like I am living the real life “1984″…
Not really, because the stigma doesn’t stop with them. It affects others, and signals to other people that using derogatory terms for transgender people is OK. It’s the same a black people using the tern nigger and girlfriends calling each other bitches…It’s totally not cool!