[Here is one of the thirty letters from gay and lesbian Christians included in Wings on a Pig: Why the "Christian" View of Gays Doesn't Work, now available as a Kindle book and a NookBook.* I wanted to collect and present these stories, because I knew that -- especially in the aggregate -- they would obliterate the notion that one cannot be both gay and Christian. And if it's possible to be both entirely gay and entirely Christian, then the whole argument that God condemns homosexuality necessarily starts breaking apart. This is one of the thirty hammer blows in "Wings" that contributes to that demolition. And it certainly shows the anti-gay sentiment in our churches, in all of its ghastly, dysfunctional splendor. But more than that, it shows what one person, who refuses to be beaten by ignorance and bigotry, can do, just by keeping their vision focused not on hatred, but on love.]
I spent sixteen years as a fundamental evangelical Christian, trying to get God to fix me. I studied theology and Biblical counseling for three years in the hopes of discovering what I was doing wrong that was keeping God from answering my prayers to make me straight. I struggled with the guilt of same-sex attraction every day, and had no way of turning it off.I was so despondent over my situation that I felt suicidal. I knew what was in store for me if I came out, but I was really at the point where I was either going to be a gay woman, or a dead woman. Thinking about my two beautiful children, I knew that they would prefer a gay mom. So I did what I had to do. I just had no idea how bad it would get before it started to get better.
I came out to my fundamental evangelical husband almost four years ago. Initially, he was loving and kind. However, the church knew something was wrong–and when he told them what it was, I never had another civil conversation with him. He came home from a meeting with the pastors, and announced that the church was starting “Biblical discipline proceedings” (construed from Matthew 18) against me, and that the elders of the church would be contacting me.
The elders came to meet with me at my dad’s house to confirm that I was a lesbian, although I had not been unfaithful to my husband, or had any lesbian relationships during our marriage. They called me an apostate: one who knows the truth, but who then chooses to turn away from God and reject Him.
I told them that I loved God, and did not reject Him. They believe in predestination, so I argued that if I was chosen by God, then being a lesbian wouldn’t keep me from heaven—and that if God didn’t choose me I was going to hell anyway, so I might as well be happy in this life. They told me that I was going to hell, and left. Before exiting, they asked my husband to be sure that our two children were in worship service on the Sunday a few weeks later when they were having the Lord’s Supper.
In that public worship service, they announced my “sin” to the congregation, and invited everyone to contact me to let me know how they felt about my sin. The congregation was told they were not allowed to speak to me about anything other than my sin.
I praise God that my children did not make it to that service, as my dad took my kids up to his cabin for the day (where my ex was not able to locate them). After the service I received angry letters telling me that I was hell-bound–including one from a twelve-year-old friend of my daughter. I got a visit from one woman who came by my house to speak to me about how I was grieving Jesus. She became emotional and lashed out, punching me in the face and bloodying my nose. I also praise God for sparing my daughter that sight.
My ex’s church helped him to hire a “Christian” lawyer to help him hide our assets. I had to borrow $2,000 from my father to hire my own lawyer. This man took my case, then never met with me until the day before my hearing. I didn’t even know that I was allowed to have witnesses. The judge of our case was appointed by the governor of Georgia, who happened to be a Sunday School teacher at the same mega-church my ex’s lawyer attended—where Johnny Hunt, then President of the Southern Baptist Convention, was pastor.
And it was an election year.
I didn’t have a prayer in my rural Georgia county.
I lost my home, rental properties, custody of my kids, my dog, and everything else I had ever worked for. The judge ordered me to leave with only my eight-year-old car and my clothes, until such time as the ex and I worked out an agreement.
For the next two years my ex continued to argue with me over everything, so that I would go broke just negotiating, and give up everything to him.
Before, I had been a home-schooling mom: I was a foster mom, hospice volunteer, church librarian, and I helped my ex with his house-flipping business. Now I had no home, no money, no education, no church, and no place to live.
All of the shunning and mistreatment of this “Biblical discipline” was intended to show me the Christian fellowship I was going to be missing out on. However, I was highly resolved not to go back to a life of lies and misery. My church had to “disfellowship” me off of their roster. In another public worship service, they prayed for the death of my sin, including my physical death. Yes, they asked God to kill me if it meant that I would not bring reproach upon the name of Jesus Christ. It was the lowest point of my life. Even my own mom and her evangelical family cut me out of the family. They refused to speak to me, and my mom said to me that she “hated” what I had become (a lesbian), and that I was a “despicable human being.” I went to live with my Grandma, the woman to whom I was closer than anyone else in the world. She had been sick; we soon found out she had leukemia, and was given six to eight weeks to live. She made it almost three months. When she died, I thought I was going to join her. My heart was almost totally broken.
A few months after my grandma died, during my first Christmas without her, my mom’s family had their usual Christmas gathering, to which I was not invited. They did, however, invite my ex to bring our children. My mom even took my ex and our children on a cruise. It was their way of punishing me for “choosing” my “lifestyle.” My ex enrolled our children in a Christian school, where I was not allowed to take any part in their education; if I attempted to, I was told, the children would be expelled from the school. When I went to their school activities I was shunned and usually left sitting alone, a wide circle of empty chairs around me, as if I had a contagious disease. It was humiliating to be in a room filled with people I had once loved and ministered to, who now wouldn’t sit in the same row of seats with me.
Knowing that I was now walking in truth for the first time in my life allowed me to hold my head high. At times, it was a bitter pill to swallow, but in the end, it showed me how it feels to be judged, and I thank God for that lesson. God never gives you more than you can handle, and what doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. My God has supplied all my needs according to His riches in glory. I have struggled like never before to make a new life for myself. I recently earned my associate degree in Marketing Management (with a 3.95 GPA, thank you very much), and am now at Southern Poly getting my BA in Professional Communications. I just finished an internship for my local ABC affiliate, working as a segment producer on a local TV-show about non-profits. My college, so far, has cost me nothing: I’ve won three scholarships. I get side work cleaning houses, working as a professional organizer, and freelance writing for Atlanta’s premiere LGBT bi-weekly newspaper, The Georgia Voice. (I even had a cover story with country singer Chely Wright last year!) I am madly in love with my wife, Melissa. We found a pastor who was willing to marry us; although we are not now legally wed, we wanted to make that commitment to each other, and to God.
I love Jesus. I love His teachings. I am passionate about reconnecting LGBT people with God, and I hope to be able to earn a living at being an activist, speaker, and motivator in this line. Either way, God has restored to me everything that was lost, and more. How can I be bitter or complain when I now have the life that I always dreamed of? — S.H., Atlanta, Georgia
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Perfect example of the love of their fucked up Jesus through the trash adherents. Trash religion for trash adherents.
that’s a real shame
How Christ-like they are. *sigh*
this brought tears to my eyes…this is so sad, to think there are people in this world so hateful and ignorant
Despicable and blasphemous that they call them selves “Christians”.
Really touched my heart and im so happy ffor her! You go girl! Stay strong<3
This is what put’s me off Evangelicalism in a big way!
that story is so touching… but im proud of her for getting back up :) this is a great example for the ups and downs that can happen in life :)
Yay for her that she went public with it all and moved on with her life, but how can she say she has everything she ever wanted when it sounds like her children are being indoctrinated into the same hate that took them away from her in the first place? I cannot imagine just moving on with my life and letting that happen to my son!
God’s gentle people are, more often than not, total barbarians.
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A story close to my heart – discipline and then disfellowship . . . a story I hear over and over again . . . yet fortitude and a few precious people in our life lefts us up and we can soar again! Sometimes it does get horribly worse before it gets better – Hang in there to all the young LGBTIQ people and Christian LGBTIQ people! Thank you LGBTQ Nation for sharing this story.
Just goes to show everyone that
Man CREATED God In HIS Image: INTOLERANT, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC AND VIOLENT. We none of these and yet we are whole humans and loved by those that matter for who we are not how We are.
She has shown this to be true for the real god is a god that loves.. The bible was written by man the heart was made by god and will tell you the truth about who he wants you to be.
It’s people like those false Christians who give us real Christians a bad name. Who are THEY to judge ANYONE? What a bunch of horrid, nasty hypocrites!
The Dahli Lama once said “Show me a Christian and I’ll become one.” The only human I can think of would be Mother Theresa, who loved EVERYONE…She, without a doubt, was a real Christian.
Nice…way ta go, “Christians”…backstabbing, vicious, wretched slime.
The Dahli Lama once said “Show me a Christian and I’ll become one.” The only human being that I know of that I could show him would be the late Mother Theresa of Calcutta. She loved EVERYONE, especially the most down-trodden that society had little use for. She showed her true mettle with her good works.
God does not treat his children that way. It is to bad that people have to over do things in God’s name. God would not want people to punch, send hatful letters, and talk about how to kill his children in any fashon. God has blessed this woman in the way he did now because of how some of his children have acted with another. It is in no ones place to judge anyone the lord will do what he feels fit when he see’s fit. NOT SEND SOME ONE TO DO IT FOR HIM. God wants us to spead his love not try to be him. I am so happy for Mrs Georgia and her new life and God Bless her and her new life.
It is one thing to say you’re a Christian and being one. Obviously the church this lady was attending was not a Christian church even if they carry the name. I want to let you all know that a real Christian (which is only a few and the fact they go to a church doesn’t mean they’re one) will love everyone regardless of their sexual preferences. Let’s not be like the haters and generalized all Christians as bad, its luke saying all gay people ate bad.
This is exactly why I’m terrified of coming out to my family. Total social and emotional annihilation.
and people wonder why i refuse to be associated with the church…
You are a very strong woman, and I’m very glad things worked out for you, but to be honest this is one reason why I’m glad I’m not christian. It seams there’s more hate in the faith than love.
Even after going through all that you fail to question the irrationality of your supernatural beliefs and grow as a person.
You learnt nothing and still cling to your supernatural beliefs.
Bronze Age mythology – MYTHOLOGY – has no place in a civilized 21st technologically advanced culture.
Allowing ‘church officials’ into one’s home to dispense disciplinary action out to modern day Americans is akin to having a witchdoctor visit you to try to expel ‘evil spirits’.
THIS IS ALL THERE IS, FOLKS. There are no deities. There are no demons. There is no heaven. There is no hell. YOU CREATE YOUR LIFE. You come into existence alone and you will leave existence alone. You ARE your body and YOU will be gone when your body ceases functioning.
THAT, my friends, is as liberating as it gets. Enjoy your life. Create your future until you can’t anymore.
Oops. Should have been ’21st century…’
I am so proud of you! Keep holding your head up high, and you are a magnificent women! Don’t let anybody tell you different. Your story made me tear up. :)
There was no need for your heartless comment, especially considering what this woman has gone through and the strength and courage she showed in finally prevailing. You’re basically doing the same thing that this woman’s congregation did, judging her by your standards instead of accepting that she’s making life choices that she feels is right for her. By the way, I’m not a Christian. I just think that your lack of compassion was uncalled for.
Just to avoid any confusion, my comment above was in response to Derek McCue’s comment.
Very much like my own story. I use to be a lay pastor, missionary, theatrical performer, and Bible teacher from the fundamental Christian church. You can find who I was in the artwork at http://www.pageantofourlord.com. For over 10 years I played Judas in the Last Supper. When I was diagnosed a transwoman my ex filed for divorce and I was tossed out of the fundamental church. We ended up going through a $60,000 child custody trial. I lost every material possession I owned and nearly lost my only child.
Today, I am fully transitioned and very happy. I am working as a nurse in elementary school. I am very involved in my United Methodist church and will be going out on a missionary trip this coming June.My favorite verse is Romans 8:28, “All things work for good for those in Christ Jesus.” God has indeed blessed me this side of transition.
God Bless to all of you,
Tami L
I am one of those “lucky” Christians! When I “came out” and in my case that meant admitting that I was a woman, despite having lived as a man for 50 years, my church (Episcopal Church) fully embraced me and supported me through my full transition to womanhood. It was only family, two brothers, two sisters, and my other blood-relatives who shunned me and rejected me. Thank God for the support I found in my church family. By the way, we have gay and lesbian church members also, and they are as fully embraced as I, their firtst transsexual member.
The fact that they believe in predestination is a sure sign that they’re in error, so you’re better off without them. I can’t help thinking that Jesus’ words in Saint Matthew 23.27 apply to that so-called church:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful, but inside they are full of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of filth.”
There are plenty of real churches out there full of real Christians, and they will welcome you and gladly accompany you on your journey of faith.
Walk away from Bronze Age mythology.
Embrace science.
Experience true freedom, and wonder at the natural world.
Period.