GERMANTOWN, Tenn. — John Smid, the former Executive Director of Exodus International’s oldest ministry “Love in Action,” has publicly admitted that he is gay, and now says that being LGBTQ is an intrinsic part of a person’s being, not a “behavior” that one can repent from.
Writing on the website of his new ministry, Grace Rivers, Smid said, “One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable.”
John Smid
Smid, who resigned as Executive Director of Love in Action in 2008 — an ex-gay Christian ministry that purports to “restore those trapped” in homosexuality — is now disavowing the message he preached for years that promised gays they could change.
In acknowledging that he is gay, Smid wrote:
“I also want to reiterate here that the transformation for the vast majority of homosexuals will not include a change of sexual orientation. Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual.”
[...]
“I used to define homosexuality or heterosexuality in terms describing one’s behavior. I thought it made sense and through the years often wrote articles and talked from that perspective.
“Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex.”
Smid also writes that, “I am homosexual, my wife is heterosexual,” and that this creates a “unique marriage experience that many do not understand.”
“For many years I tried to fit into the box of heterosexuality. I tried my hardest to create heterosexuality in my life but this also created a lot of shame, a sense of failure, and discouragement. Nothing I did seemed to change me into a heterosexual even though I was in a marriage that included heterosexual behavior.
“Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex.”
Smid concludes by saying that honestly accepting your sexual orientation can open the door to a faith and life that makes sense.
“Far too many homosexuals who are seeking Christ perceive that they cannot come close to Him if they remain a homosexual. In this mindset they search feverishly for change that will not come to them,” he wrote.
Filed under: National Headlines
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr why people can t accept them selfs is beyond me in this day and age
if he is a religious man its very hard
WOW!
i am happy for him :)
: about time. and a testament to scary power of brain-washing.
My reactions to this article were first Duh! Then Huh? lol
good. why dont the otther “ex gay” people come out?!
I can totally relate… Being in a church ministry.. sharing words of God to fellow youth… It was hard to accept and even harder to spill it out…
Awsome, little by little, the truth will be unveiled to everyone and anyone.
Congrats John
So, now he’s gonna repent and atone for living what he had to know was a lie and fostering hate? Well, woot. Leaves me cold.
Since when did someone who purports to believe in a magic sky god have any credibility to lose?
wow
he has a lot of amends to make first
Well, surprise, surprise! (not really).
How long did it take for him to learn the obvious?
Oh I’m not even going to comment here. Of all the……..
After all the damage he’s done to the LGBTQ community and how he hurt our youth…….about time he “man’s up”!
Are we as a community any better than the people this guy used to support if we condemn him for not realizing his mistake sooner? Come on guys, we’ve got to be better than that! Be glad he did come out and is trying to make things right now instead of continuing to be butthurt over the past: no matter how badly he probably wants to change it now, he can’t, so quit bitching about it and accept he’s trying to do the right thing now.
This is so awesome!! We need more stories like this, more often.
Oh that is just rich, isn’t it?
John, why didn’t you drag Marcus Bachmann out of the closet with you while you were coming out???!!!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… older closet cases are the most evil….and when they do this much harm to so many… it not a happy “Coming OUT” story!
They drop like FLIES, I tell you. This is a good cherry on top of my “Coming Out Day” Sundae.
I really hope his decision is permanent. I’m sure he’ll be under a lot of fire from his former ex gay workers for his decision, but hopefully he’ll inspire them to be who they are and won’t buckle under their pressure to conform.
Read the article and it struck me immediately that he doesn’t acknowledge or apologize for the damage he caused to many during his years with the organisation or the LGTB community at large. Hard to welcome someone into a community when they have spent so many years trying to destroy it. I’m with Billy Fairly – leaves me cold.
I’m w/ Rinkakoteka. “Be glad he did come out and is trying to make things right now instead of continuing to be butthurt over the past: no matter how badly he probably wants to change it now, he can’t, so quit bitching about it and accept he’s trying to do the right thing now.” …would you rather lynch him in a dress & ruby slippers?
I am so happy for him. This is wonderful… thank god he finally understands and hopefully many more people will come to terms with themselves after watching him come to terms with himself. <3 how beautiful.
Isn’t it belief in “God” that caused him to be an exgay in the first place?
Oh, and he did offer an apology…
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCQQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.exgaywatch.com%2Fwp%2F2010%2F03%2Fformer-love-in-action-director-john-smid-offers-apology%2F&rct=j&q=Contact%20John%20Smid&ei=BASVTqrwLY24twfmwfH2Bg&usg=AFQjCNExYGjLDkKMUKkLnTY2br6CwzwT1A&cad=rja
I think the best thing to do is forgive him and be happy that now many more people might understand that being gay is natural… and hopefully will learn from his example.
Congratulations, John!
SO AWESOME!
He has “come out”, yet still says that he is in a happily married relationships with a woman. Though what he has said in his post was significant, to many of us who were directly impacted by his work, it overall rings hollow.
yess
*yawn* we know it.
This is got to be so difficult for him. I was under that kind of teaching for over 25 years. I now believe that God created LGBTQ and straights because he loves diversity. We are with you all the way. I am coming out as a straight ally to the LGBTQ people.
Seriously? I agree wholeheartedly with Michael McMando and Keila. Sure, the man has contributed to hateful and terrible things, but they were mistakes and he’s human just like the rest of us. You say things like, “This guy’s a self-loathing closet case! He needs to come out.” What happens when they finally accept themselves for who they are instead of hating themselves and berating themselves day in and day out? Congratulate him for being brave enough to come out of his dreadful closet.
It is National Coming Out Day, after all. =
It was only a matter of time…Take THAT, Michelle Blechmann!! >:-)
those that protest the loudest have teh most to hide
I’m very happy for him and hope that he’s able to find ways now to turn all his charisma and talent for rhetoric (in the sense of “persuasive speech” not “political mumbo jumbo”) in a better and more humane direction. For all his many faults and for all the harm he’s done, the man has a gift for capturing people’s ears and I hope, very sincerely, that he now uses that gift to educate and to heal.
All the people this man has hurt.
I am pleased that John Smid has found the strength to stop living his personal and public lie and freed himself from self loathing.
What is yet to be addressed in society is the psychological harm caused to John Smid and others. What I refer to is the root causes that made this man self loathing in the first place and which caused him to waste so much of his life, his wife’s life and not to mention the others who suffered because of the Exodus Ministry doctrine.
its good hearing that from the hoodwinked, now its time for Marcus to come clean and flash its pink bits!
Congrats John Smid. It gets very lonley in the closet doen’t it. Accepting who you are is a big step. Well done!
He should spend the rest of his life caring for AIDS patients, wiping their butts and cleaning up their puke.
gee, thanks, but no thanks pal. what about the “gays” u terrorized and shamed for years with that hate? is all okay now cuz ur horny?
Why is “Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex.” in the article twice? Can I get a copy editor over here?!?!
Here, here. Congrats and blessings on him. We aren’t all perfect like some that are making comments on here.
As a member of the gay community there is a side of me that wants to say “welcome” and “I feel your pain”. But then you have to consider the years of shame, condemnation, and religious based bigotry that these people spewed at us (and the thousands of gay kid suicides that are probably linked to alot of it) and I’m not so sure how welcoming I feel.
How many people did he torture with his judgements. I’m glad to see he is out but damage done.
MOST of the haters are Gay and can’t/won’t admit it!!!
Hi Everyone,
Can John Smid ask for forgiveness for the pain and suffering to which he contributed? Perhaps then if he can forgive himself he can begin to heal. He as actually started the healing process already by admitting he was mistaken.
Can you forgive him? Can you recognize that he is and has been working on some heavy issues as he finds himself and his true voice? How many of you reading this had to the very same? How many of you were homophobic in some tiny way before you came out?
Before I came out I had to deal with the fear I had of being labeled in “that” group. Now I realize those fears were mostly unfounded and am a much more happy, more whole person.
Thanks for reading,
Victoria
Two of the original co-founders of Exodus International came out and left the group to be with each other in 1979. So, although much appreciated, it’s not entirely surprising.
As a person who has reclaimed their Christian faith, I am grateful when former abusers admit their mistakes and turn to serving the community they’ve damaged, like the Apostle, Paul, who persecuted Christians before he encountered “the magic sky God” (I love that) and turned his life around. Like all humans, they will still make mistakes-you can bank on that. But places like Metropolitan Community Churches have been around for 43 years serving the community without apology, helping those who want to, to recover their spiritual journeys. I hope he will help save more lives than he’s ruined. I welcome him with open arms.
where’s his apology to those he hurt through ex-gay minestry? just proves a point that those most vocal against gay are closet cases
I’m really glad for this dumbass, that he now accepts his own pole-smoking ways… but for an “I can pray the gay away” to be suddenly writing like he is now the subject matter expert… well it’s beyond me.
Woo-hoo!
What’s amusing about most of the comments and the change of position by John is the concept that sexual (triggered by same, opposite, or other eg beastiality) and relational (same sex couple, OSA couple, other) are black/white positions and absolutely correlated. Seriously folks, the only ones who take that position are still trying to accept themselves… Lots of folks commenting here clealy need others to fit their perspective (including John) to feel ok! Grow up folks!
So after all the violin and trumpet music of his revelation he throws in the crazy ‘I believe in magic, ghosts, and mythology’ crap. He has a ways to go in his seeking-reality journey.
Sorry.
Just like Ken Mehlman, THE MAN GETS NO SUPPORT FROM ME.
He’s always been gay, yet has demonized the very core of his own being. He deserves nothing but disdain from us. In fact, no amount of work in the gay community can make up for what he’s done personally to dozens of others.
I dare say that people have most likely killed themselves due to his misrepresentation of himself, being gay, religion and reality. He is an ogre from beginning to end.
Just like Ken Mehlman.
I love to watch the hypocrisy of this community.
He was taught and no doubt raised to believe differently than he feels. People in the LGBT community have told him for years that being homosexual wasn’t a choice, wasn’t evil, etc etc. Then when he finally says, “I was mistaken, I was wrong, you’re right”…. you scream about how wrong that is too.
Too err is to be human. And he erred. Big time. And he knows it. He has admitted his mistake.
It’s time to move on.
K. Now you can disavow the “Word of God” as well. Pretty dumb God who wrote Leviticus, no? And somehow sending Jesus refutes that? It’s just another chapter in the convoluted lying story.
I’ll take a wait and see attitude. He has his own ministry now and is still married to a heterosexual woman, sounds like a very confusing message to any gay Christian who might be struggling with their orientation.
Jessica – Why don’t you walk up to a brick wall and bang your head on it … about 20 times … really hard! Maybe it’ll knock out some of the terminal stupidity that seems embedded there. You think we LGBT folk don’t have reason to harbor a GREAT deal of resentment towards religious folk like John Smid for the untold emotional pain and suicides that Mr. Smid and his ilk have caused??? You think a simple apology erases all that and that we should just forgive him??? Not a flippin chance! Many of us have NO intention of forgiving Smid or Haggard or Rekers, etc., for a considerable period of time. … And a little piece of advice [since you are soooo good a giving some to us] … If you don’t like what you read on this site, then YOU “move on” … and take your snide little comments with you.
BobB Why do you think you’re speaking for everyone? I am totally on the same page with Jessica. You have got to have compassion. The damage is done. You can’t undo it. But if you’re not going to learn to forgive I really pity you. This world is nothing without forgiveness. We all need it. Some more than others. Please be more respective of other people’s views.
Please, please please stop hating “religious folk”, just because someone has faith doesn’t mean they hate gay people.
I am a gay person who is a Christian I go to an awesome, loving, accepting church that are fine with me even though I am gay.
I am so glad this has happened and frankly I see it as the beginnings of the end for ex-gay ministries and people who think they can “fix” us.
Some of the people who don’t want to forgive this man are writing like he is personally responsible for the whole “ex-gay” movement and Christian homophobia.
If you have never been a fundagelical Christian, you don’t understand the brainwashing that goes on, the fear of going to hell that is inculcated into you, and the way that you are locked into a mindset that it is quite difficult to escape from. This man has just escaped from some of that, and that is a good thing. Yes, he said and did damaging things, and I hope he does something practical to repair the damage – but just speaking out and saying “yes, I am gay and it’s not possible to be ‘ex-gay’” is a really powerful message to those who are still trapped in the mindset that it’s a choice and that you can “pray the gay away”.
I am happy for him and I hope that he can negotiate some sort of solution with his wife. Incidentally he did not say he was happily married, he said he was a homosexual man married to a heterosexual woman, implying that it is problematic.
Holy hatemail Batman! Did they pass out hypocrite licenses and I missed them? Damn it! I don’t get to hate all Christians like an ignorant bigot just because a few have said ignorant hateful stereotypical things about the LGBT community. I don’t get to spew offensive things about God not existing just because it is my opinion and someone else has tried to force God’s existence down my throat and I found it offensive. I don’t get to condemn someone who made mistakes before coming out and now has a chance to do something good in the LGBT community even though they are trying to repent, have gone through brainwashing themselves and I have made mistakes in my past (raise your hand if you are perfect folks). Why can’t I be a closed minded bigot like some of you and just spew venom and try and escalate this hate war? Why can’t I be as bad or worse than those who we say persecute us?
Yes, he screwed up and much worse than probably 99.9% of us. He was a leader in a group that hurt those in our community and likely led to some suicides. He was wrong. He was also screwed up and in a place that most of us have been. I can’t imagine being in his shoes; being in such a fundamentalist religious place that I believed I’d go to hell for being gay and honestly believed I could pray and act differently each day and not be gay. It took him years to come to terms with the fact that being gay is innate and not a sin. It took him years to break through the brainwashing and we can hate the wrong he’s done but maybe we shouldn’t nail him to a cross over one article. No place in his story did he say he knew he was living a lie and hurting kids but he did it anyway. Read what is there and lets try and practice the tolerance and equality that we not just preach but demand.
You know, I honestly think that if this guy had been part of a group that was convincing kids there was no God he’d have more supporters here. No matter what you feel you have no right to intercede or force your beliefs on another. If we can’t be the better people maybe we don’t deserve equality. Let’s stop making that point for them every time we open our mouths and post a comment.
He can burn in his christian HELL, for every person that suicided trying to follow the teachings and believed that there Homosexuality was a sin and could not find the change in heart that was promised under his snake oil hatred of his own sexuality. The most dangerous and virulent Homophobes are Almost always gay themselves that have not or will not accept there own inner desires. Be it Ex Gay ministries, to gay bashing they still destroy others lives because the Homophobe can not accept who and what they are.
Next up, he comes out of the god closet. Why spend time trying to twist interpretation of gospel that is at best nonsensical and at worst bigoted and harmful? Mindfully develop your own moral code of how to treat people using reason. It takes a lot longer, but it’s real.
As a Bisexual in a Heterosexual marriage, I have experienced a similar path. Although for me it was developmental, slowly through the years I came to understand myself better, and shifted from Hetro to Bi. Now it just seems like a more natural position, perspective and feeling.
This man has caused damage, and I don’t think he realizes how much, but I certainly hope that he pursues a more productive future for himself and his community.
Ok, I know repentance from sin, and I have personally experienced it.
But WHAT . . . ‘repentance’ from a God-gifted, indelible nature of life . . . ?? THAT is by far the most blasphemous thing I’ve ever heard from the church. The very notion alone has been doing such irreparable disservice to the Christian faith that it is grossly beyond credibility. Give me a break !!
While I am happy that he has finally accepted himself, i can’t help but feel this twinge of disgust and judgement. I want to say things like, Oh Him and his Wife should hang out with the Bachman’s. or I am not surprised at all because the loudest anti-gay christian are typically themselves homosexuals that despise themselves because of the condemnation withing their religion. Self loathing closeted homosexuals, are they themselves, the largest proponents of homophobia, hate, adn discrimination. these people are playing with our lives and our rights and it is all because of you religion.
I did not read all the responses but those I did don’t ssem to have a clue how much pressure society puts on LGBT people. Pressure to live a lie and be like them. I was born M2F and from a very early age was subjected to mental and physical cruelties to try to change me. I was bullied with taunts and beatings all through school. I buried myself so far in the closet I only wanted to die. I married and tried very hard to make it work. I tried to please everyone but myself. Finally I faced the truth after a failed attempt at suicide but in the mean time I suffered a horrible existence for 44 years. Now I am free but not totally. I live with the depression because those first 44 years changed my brain chemistry. I know some of you will argue with that but then again most of your comments show a total lack of education in this area. You can’t live in mortal fear for a very long time without it affecting your brain. I am happy John has finally allowed himself to admit his truth.
For all you Christians out there I just need to say that my suicide attempt failed because of one of those religious experiences AA talks about. Something outside myself met me know in no uncertain terms that I was loved, just the way I am. That was the start of a whole new and better life. God, or whatever you want to call Her, loves us very much just the way we are. Be true to yourself.
You read the article; you mean THIS one? Go read the one on Grace Rivers website. I can assure you this man is remorseful. Dang! Just because his whole life, and journey is not before you now, you have to judge him? You don’t even know him at all. How come you are not just thankful that he is finally free from that trap of deception. Can you not show any warmth for your fellow man? Your cold heartedness doesn’t solve any problem, and such like only adds to the pain in life. You know? God bless you, man. maybe your heart has been hurts so bad so long that it has become cold. I pray for your heart, man, for healing and restoration. Amen.
Now it’s Tebow’s turn!!!
Why is it that all the anti-gay activists are closet cases?
Open the door, and step out in to the fabulous light!
Go Away. Not interested in anything you have or have had to say.
Wow. My first reaction was one of anger. It’s not posted here, but in other writings it is clear that he understands the pain that his past work has caused and seems remorseful. He has many regrets. He has offered apologies and it also seems he is eager to make ammends. I wish him blessings and Grace.
Good for him. But, if he thinks that christianity, as practiced by the overwhelming majority of people world wide, has a place for him, he’s dreaming.
The bible condemns homosexuality. For most mainstream christian denominations, that’s all they need to know.
He’d be far better off, and he could do far more good in this world, if he’d stop deluding himself that homosexuality and religion can be reconciled.
John, I know that coming out is REALLY hard, especially when you have devoted so much time to what you now acknowledge was wrong. Neither let the Christian community nor the LGBTQI community wear you out. Know that you can be a Christan and Gay. Tough decisions like this often leave you feeling more lonely at times, but doing the right thing is not always the easiest; at times it’s actually the toughest. Think about Jesus.
I know I am just another person on the internet, but I am here rooting for you, and I look forward to your future actions which I hope stem from what Jesus would do: love unconditionally, even those who are persecuted by humanity.
God Bless.